Adventures in Hi-Fi

For some reason, I have been doing a lot of thinking with regards to how I got into it all; the 'scene' as such. Being a Metaller, Goth, or Alternative, what was around at the time and the available media in general.
At the risk of sounding somewhat old I feel that the experience of getting into the scene isn't nowhere near as exciting for someone who is in their late teens right now. Compared to how I got into it I believe that technology such as mp3 downloading and the internet has sucked the soul out of it all and that there isn't a sense of achievement. People can be a so called 'expert' in just a couple of weeks; by which I use the term 'expert' loosely as the internet can often harbour erroneous information, or information that has become watered down and told 3rd or 4th hand and lost some authenticity along the way. Kind of like copying a video tape or audio cassette to death and it all becomes somewhat muddy and vague.
----- Cue Dvorak's 'New World Symphony -----

When I first got into it all, there was no internet at my disposal. Well, there was but back then there wasn't the world wide web as we know of it today; it was more of a primitive text based system called BBS (Bulletin Board Systems) with slow data transfer speeds that were a lot slower than even 56k dial up (I think even ISDN had yet to be invented, which was the half way house between 56k dial up and ADSL/Cable). Barely anybody had the internet, not even college. It was more the preserve of Tefal headed lab coat grey beard computer types that used computers in laboratories for important scientific stuff, or the seriously rich and brain damaged. Downloading films and video was the stuff of fantasy.
The best sources were referring to older friends, rifling through music magazines, or perhaps consulting 'cool' members of the family that were really into Black Sabbath, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Sex Pistols, Motorhead, Saxon, Deep Purple or something like that and maybe raiding their album collections; In fact I'm referred to as the 'Cool Uncle' in my case where a couple of my nephews and nieces have asked me about music advice and have helped them form a rock music taste of their own styling. Another source was also to consult music magazines, and to pour over a copy of Kerrang (before it turned to shit) and Terrorizer (which for some people has become the Extreme Metal version of Kerrang nowadays, opinions differ wildly). Usefully, these magazines would also come with a free tape (all the way back then) with a pick of tunes that their scribes has recommended.

If you were into the more extreme side of music, people went as far as tape trading. Were bands would release demo's to their fans as long as they sent a stamped addressed envelope along with a C60 audio tape in a jiffy bag which was a big thing and very important for spreading and promoting the fan base for such and many established bands of today started off in this manner. In fact, if you check eBay for certain bands, early demo recordings like this can often fetch high prices. And tied in with such things of this nature were fanzines, which were self published magazines that were literally done on a word processor and photocopier (even typewriter in early cases) which were published in a completely underground nature, usually advertised in the back of bigger publications with an address as a PO Box number so that they could receive payment and place orders. Although, when I got into it all this kind of thing wasn't quite as popular as it once was but the option was available.

Another option was the ability to watch Noisy Mothers, carefully recorded in the small hours onto a VHS cassette in timer mode while I slept. Very rarely, I had the option of watching the original MTV Europe's 'Headbangers Ball' hosted by Vanessa Warwick or '120 Minutes' which was crammed with music from a more alternative side of the spectrum. Sadly, my father was a bit of a prick and wouldn't let me watch it that often (although I bloody made sure I recorded it when they pissed off on holiday, that was a certainty).

By and large, the best measure was to visit a record shop, that either dealt with second hand and/or brand new vinyl (although when I got into it all CD's were obviously available but expensive compared to the pre recorded audio tape option). My usual weapon of choice when I first started off was the far cheaper option of audio tape (compact cassette) which usually started off for around £6-7 to around £10 at the most, CD's fetching more of a higher price at an average of £15 which was a a massive difference if you were a skint student that spunked a lot of his college grant on an album collection and a couple of nice band t shirts, leather jacket, and some Doc Martens. As a fork of this, new band pointers could also be found in the liner notes of the albums pointing to influences what got them forming a band, or mentions of their friends bands they had toured with or knew and thanked in the album sleeve credits and musical gold could often be struck there.

To establish my music collection, I first started off with the cheaper audio tape option occasionally having the good fortune to borrow a CD now and again off college friends to record on a shiny new TDK cassette and removing the top tabs so that they recording could not be accidentally erased; the fortunate thing in my case was that my parent's Hi-Fi was half decent and able to make decent recordings of these albums. Which was a good thing as my folks had bought me a very decent Aiwa 'personal stereo' that had a decent digital radio, bass boost and treble function combined with auto reverse and that all important Dolby B Noise Reduction (mine was much posher than what most people usually owned).

Later on, I left college and started work with all empowering 'massive amounts of cash' (at the time being a mere 19 years old). With this money, I went so far as to spend my first full wage or two on looking out for full hi-fi separates of my own so that I could enjoy my music fully. My folks had bought me a dodgy Chinese midi system at the time but it became temperamental and started chewing the odd tape now and again despite keeping the tape heads clean with a tape cleaner. On occasion using a cotton bud dabbed with some methylated spirits to clean the pinch wheel, capstan, tape head and rollers to keep the audio sounding as best as it could. I distinctly remember punching it in anger when it chewed up my brand new copy of Cannibal Corpse's 'The Bleeding' which I had only owned for a week (which caused that much excitement that myself and a friend sat off in the college cafeteria bunking a lesson with a headphone adapter to listen to it with two sets of earphones).

I first started off buying an amp, record player, and CD player put through Sharp speakers that came from a 70's music centre that I got hold of; purely on the grounds of that it had a really good record player for some of my records that I had bought and 'made do' with that for a few months. As soon as that kit was obtained, the music centre was scrapped which I had obtained from a second hand shop (no eBay back then, either).

By far, the best part was when I bought my Mission speakers with the following months wages and THEN the fun began. WOW – my music had become reborn (what little I had on CD and vinyl as it was mainly tape) and I spent many an hour locked away listening to tonnes of music and fully savouring it, not answering to anybody, switching off and truly sitting there enjoying the wonder of how amazing my albums now sounded. With more detail, and instrumentation that had previously become hidden buried in a slurry of lo-fi mush, revitalised and crystal clear. The ability to follow each guitar note, bass string, drum stomp and general musical fizz. A high quality tape deck was also obtained at that point, an Aiwa ADS 750 with not only Dolby B, but also C and S type noise reduction along with Dolby HX-PRO for truly excellent quality recordings.

I sat there religiously and recorded them onto high quality TDK 'SA' or 'MA' (Chromium Dioxide tape particles or Metal Oxide) cassettes and used the record level control for peak volume control for the recordings, and carefully watched the power meter lights to make sure they didn't go over into the red and distort the recording. Even going as far to carefully measure the minute and second readings on the display so that I can manually fade out a recording if there wasn't enough room on the cassette. Due to the quality of the recordings, I often referred back to these high quality tapes to save playing the vinyl to keep them in pristine condition. This was also very useful and portable, and I was able to enjoy my vinyl and CD's wherever I went, making a careful choice of several tapes to take with me before I left the house.

Due to the 'mass amounts of cash', I would think nothing of blowing £100 in one session to go and buy a load of albums, sometimes a hell of a lot more. For me, thus ushered in a golden dawn of music for me as I now had the kit to play it back on and I was no longer a skint student that didn't have any money. I became an avid collector of vinyl in particular; even going so far as to purchase anything that was before 1986 on vinyl (as to purchase it on CD was sacrilegious and not its intended format when it was originally released). My music taste branched further, getting albums by Pink Floyd, The Mission, Kate Bush, Jimi Hendrix, Deep Purple, and not forgetting more recent stuff on vinyl too as the ownership of them just felt better in general, with a bigger canvas for the album artwork than the poxy square that is a CD booklet, not forgetting that rock and metal suited vinyl more in my opinion and had better levels of bass and a more soulful feel to the sound rather than the sometimes cold mastering of a CD,


I often found the odd rare or original pressing of a vinyl too, and got the occasional picture or coloured disc; although the sound quality of them varied wildly as some used literally coloured vinyl (I have an example of Faith No More's 'King For A Day, Fool For A Lifetime' on blood red vinyl where you can see the specks of black where the machines had changed to different 'inks' to produce the limited edition batch in question), while others used various synthetics and plastics (I have a copy of Soundgarden's 'Superunknown' on transparent vinyl which sounds strangely nasal no matter what I do to the Bass and Treble controls, although I preferred to leave the tone controls switched out so that only pure sound entered the speakers). My collection spiralled and grew out of control.


Then I got broadband, and like many others snorted music off the internet in copious quantities, soon upgrading to a mp3 compatible CD player that could play back CD-R's of music (carrying between several albums per 700mb disc) and then a Creative Labs 40gb mp3 player. Which then gave way to buying my first Archos, an AV500 with 30gb of hard drive, TV dock and remote which I could pipe through a TV with ripped DVD's (created with DVD Shrink and ImToo DVD Decrypter), and MP3's – audio and video on the go; finally selling and purchasing an Archos 5 120gb with TV dock into 720p HDMI to where we are today and what I own now. Sadly, the Aiwa personal stereo and Sony Minidisc remain squirrelled away in a cupboard that previously provided me with many man hours of musical enjoyment on my travels here and there.

Now, there is audio and video on the go and even some music on my smart phone (Samsung Galaxy S2) with a Bluetooth A2DP earphones/mic combo for emergencies which I always carry, but I feel the buzz of obtaining music isn't the same as it used to be. I fear that the younger generation of 'Alternatives' out there will no longer have the same buzz of getting into music or new bands in the same magical and grass roots manner that I got into it all. The technology available at my disposal is truly wonderful, don't get me wrong; I love my Archos 5 and all its video and audio goodness that I can suckle from via its touch screen teat; with 120gb you can often stand there figuring out what the hell to play and it's so horribly convenient. Nowadays, you can be a so called expert in a few weeks, and the internet will provide you with all the information about if said band is still going, or why they are no longer going. To me, it lacks a soul.

The bovine masses, appear to be more than happy with just downloading, legally or otherwise and it has now spread to films and even the humble book is getting killed of by the Kindle and the iPad. A work college explained to me the 'delights' of having iCloud, and all musical, video and app data been able to be shared across an Apple TV box, iPad, and iPhone. As 'wonderful' as this is, and how useful this can be it leaves me cold despite having similar non Apple devices at my disposal.

What concerns me is, do others still do what I do and visit a record store or even buy a CD online? Or is this something that is only confined to the Goth or Metalhead, who takes their music far seriously than the normalloes and the bovine masses do?
Will our pursuits be a dying and anachronistic practice? I for one will still fight for my preferences of my musical enjoyment and will try my best to keep it alive along with like minded people.
Music isn't a bunch of files on a hard disc – it's a physical entity with a soul of its own, unleashed via the playback of a CD or Vinyl.
Keep it that way, keep it alive.

A Christmas Wish...

Dear Saint Nicholas,

Please can you give some of my friends time off work, from the 23rd Dec-2nd Jan would be rather good, like my good self.

One of your main ‘mission statements’ is to catch up with good friends that I hardly see nowadays, and to have much fun and so called merriment. How on Earth can I do this when nearly all of them have to work over the latter half of December? As a result I’m left with no alternative but to drink and eat myself into a lonesome coma, which isn’t very good for one’s well being on my own while people are supposed to be having ‘festive fun’. They work very hard for a living, and it would be nice if they were freed from the shackles of employment slavery for at least several working days.

Kind regards

Count Bastardo The 666th.

The 12 Hates of Christmas - Part Two

(7) The Xmas album:

Why the hell do people still buy these things? Are they fucking stupid?

Every year, there is an endless slew of CD’s that claim to be the best ever Xmas album since the last one (honest), volume 25. Despite the fact that it was the same as the one you bought last year with very slight variances and a slightly jumbled up track order; in fact you could be forgiven for thinking that the track order was generated via the 'name in a hat' technique.

What happens to the previous ones that you own? Do the conveniently dissolve and bio-degrade, perhaps disappearing into the ether so that you must buy another? On some CD’s, there isn't any Xmas based tunes; just random crap just thrown into the mix as 'filler'. Tunes that were released on Xmas a couple of years ago that reached number one that are completely sod all to do with Xmas whatsoever. Such as the bastardised version of that Tears for Fear tune where they completely sucked all life from a really good 1980's classic, turning it into a dire funeral dirge.

This Xmas CD lark is only marginally more unoriginal than the endless drizzle of chart crap that is force fed to the moronic masses that live in a Britney Lopez / Dance and R&B based catatonic, zombie like state who wouldn't know what good music was if they were slapped in the face with it.

Admittedly, I have yet to hear a rock / metal based Xmas CD, if such a thing exists. Can anyone confirm this out there?

Oh, and one last thing:

Adding sleigh bells jingling to the mix of an already existing tunes does not a Xmas tune make, is that clear?

(8) Raping of the Cash Cow:

Every year, just for one fucking month, families up and down the land get themselves severely in the red with their bank balance. This just adds to the collective headache of it all. Single parent families getting financially raped by the local loan shark down the road; the irritating twat with a BMW and 'drug dealer 4x4' who probably has a decent job in the first place without the need to exploit the poor bugger whose children must have the latest Rockport, or Nintendo Wii or whatever the fuck is current and 'The In Thing'.

Even those that have more sense get drawn into the trap of excessive spending which isn't needed, which is a by product of all the self centred bastards wanting the shiniest, latest, expensive and coolest whatever it is.

The small wee kids don’t happen to see this as they are too young to comprehend anything like debt. They couldn't fucking care less as long as they got the latest Playstation and so they don’t get ripped on in school in January.

Not forgetting the migraine involved in trying to get your folks, or you other half or whoever the right present for Xmas. It’s ironic that you know them well, and you could always think of something that they would want on any other time of the year. Come Xmas, you've drawn a creative mental block and can’t think of what the hell they want. Not forgetting the mental torture of people opening their presents, silently evaluating if their present is as cool as the one that they bought for you; that awkward moment that teeters on the brink of a knifes edge.

“Oh wow, a big Noel Edmunds sweater! Cool!” as you grimace with a totally insincere smile.

Or, the moment where you wrap everything up a few days prior and think “Oh no, she will so fucking hate me, I am unworthy and my presents suck!”.

Sometimes, you wonder why the hell you should bother jumping on the bandwagon of buying presents for Xmas and seriously consider not having any part in it whatsoever. Alas, this goes out the window; as you will be vilified by everyone and their dog, not forgetting looking like the worlds worst bastard if you didn't bother. I imagine you would probably get hunted down by a makeshift tinsel and glitter adorned army; a 'Xmas Schutzstaffel' [Xmas Nazi's] to be taken to a concentration camp where you would either be brainwashed into liking it or choose to burn in a Wickerman for none compliance with the 'Divine Xmas Order'.

(9) The true 'definition' squashed by commercialism:

Because of commercialism, capitalism and greed, I believe that Xmas has become a parody of itself. In a really awful 'Phoenix Nights' cheap and nasty way.

Allegedly, the commonly lead belief is that it’s the celebration of the birth of a certain Mr J.C. But, this is supposed to be a fallacy and that he was born on June 16^th. Apparently, I am lead to believe that it was a Roman festival called Dies Natalis Solis Invicti, 'The Birthday of the Unconquered Sun'; and that Xmas was created by the early Christian church to entice Romans to convert to Christianity without losing their own winter celebrations. Eventually, over the years it has become mixed up with other pagan festivals and taken bits and bobs from here and there, like the Pagan Scandinavian festival of Yule. This was where logs were lit to honour Thor, where feasting would continue until the log burned out which could take as many as 12 days. Likewise, 'Father Xmas' is another hotch potch of random beliefs cobbled together as one.

Every year, it bears less and less resemblance to its origins and suffocates under its own self parody despite its origins being a mish mash of all sorts. The days of a classic Xmas as imagined in a rose tinted, Dickensian form have since long gone and are impossible to replicate. Try asking a modern day kid the origin and meaning, and all they will think about is 'The fat red guy that's going to give me a Nintendo Wii for Xmas'.

One weird ritual I don’t understand is the humble Xmas card. Who the hell started that off? I find them completely insincere and an utter waste of a tree. Filled with a twee Xmas picture on the front and a crawly, pandering sentiment on the inside. I have also learned my lesson and don’t send them out here, there and everywhere many years ago. As you feel that it’s your God given right to receive one back and get really offended if you don’t and become all self obsessed. I only send them to be polite to those that send me one and to avoid looking like a twat. Isn't it amazing how a small piece of card with print on it can generate such turmoil?

(10) Family conflicts:

Xmas seems to generate more arguments and conflicts than any other time of the year. Old family feuds and conflicts aren't actually left aside in a fair amount of cases, and become regenerated such as custody battles in split families. For example, one parent trying to buy the love of their child by spending more money than the other parent in a sick twisted game so that the child gains a preference for one parent over the other.

I imagine if you did some research and asked around, I bet that you will find statistics somewhere that quote that there are more family conflicts, instances of physical violence and even death in December. Once more, this is another example of the corruption of one of its most important mission statements, the one that says 'peace and goodwill to all men'.

I've witnessed instances within my own family where family feuds have escalated to epic proportions; because Xmas was involved in the mix somewhere and where certain family members of mine have had the complete polar opposite of a Happy Xmas and New Year. What fantastic irony!

(11) Xmas obsessives:

I can think of no one worse than the person with a Xmas obsessive compulsive disorder.

They seem to come into force earlier and earlier every year. Some hard core nutters out there actually leave their decorations up all year around. How twisted is that?

You can spot them a mile off on your travels. Their houses are neon lit, with a sea of blinking lights that could trigger epilepsy, drowning in a plastic sea of inflatable Santa's and Snowmen. Worse still is the Xmas OCD sufferer competing with one of their fellow kind. In a 'My xmas cock is bigger than yours' competition by competing with each other to plaster their houses inside and out with even more chintz and Xmas related tatt.

One time, I actually knew an obsessive that put up with a freezing cold bathroom because they couldn't re-route a series of cables outside any other way to power an animatronics Reindeer outside, and happily put up with it just to outdo a neighbour. So their house pissed out heat all over the place until the first week of January. This is going a little bit too far in my book. What happened to conserving vital energy and being kinder to the environment? I am willing to bet that these people also skimped on heating too, where they should have been using electricity constructively to keep warm rather than look like a stupid twat with neon lit aircraft landing pad for a house.

These sorts of people are the worst sheep of all that have been drawn in by all the Xmas bullshit. And they are far more likely to shove it down your throat than most people that blindly follow the season.

(12) Xmas food:

Now, this can be quite good but I tire of it very quickly. There is only so much sprouts and turkey that a person can take before their digestive system implodes on itself. Not forgetting the inane ritual of just eating food simply because it is there and not because you are actually hungry. Then they have the fucking cheek to whine and moan saying that they have gained weight. Is it any wonder? Do the words 'Self Control' mean anything to you? Although what sounds good in theory differs in practice entirely.

Over Xmas, I actually yearn for normal foods before the month is out. You won’t catch me making a Xmas dinner, and it’s not because I don’t have culinary skills on a par with Gordon Ramsey or Nigella Lawson and can't cook for shit; I would be happier with a nice Indian curry with all the trimmings and garlic naan bread to be honest.

This concludes my 12 part explanation as to why Xmas gets on my tits. I strongly felt that someone out there had to have the balls to publish such a blog and I feel that my soul has been cleansed and that I've gained closure. Many thanks for reading.

Stay tuned for future blogs - time, rantyness, and other random circumstances permitting that inspire me and give food for thought.

[Images acquired from b3ta.com - I'm not that clever with Photoshop. Please visit their site for humourous posts, image challenges and other awesome content]

The 12 Hates of Christmas - Part One

Sunday, bloody Sunday. No, wait there…I mean December, Fucking December. That’s what I meant, and not the U2 song or a description of one of the most tedious days of the week with the only plus point being that I’m not at work. Which is somewhat ironic in itself as many friends of mine can't get the time off from work for Xmas and then I can't see them, great eh?

Anyway, it’s probably THE WORST time of the year for me. We are at the peak of Winter, the weather is dreadful, and it gets dark early. Not forgetting that even with office work at civilised hours of the day (thankfully my weekends are free), I go to work in the dark AND come home in the dark unless I bugger off with a work colleague for lunch and go for a wander around the local Asda; admittedly this sounds rather dull but with the monotony of office work it's a godsend.

Now, close followers that have met me in person and know me very well are only too fully aware of my acute hatred for Xmas. Come now, admit it; think long and hard about it. It’s an absolute painful haemorrhoid on the arse end of the year. Let me quote the reasons and see if I can work some sense into those people that are just blindly oblivious to it. Maybe, just MAYBE, I can convert some people here, or at least make people think. Let me go through the reasons…

(1) Fake Sentiment:
'Peace and goodwill to all men', so we are alleged to believe. Set apart your differences because it’s Xmas. Nope, I don’t think so. If you hate someone for some reason, why in fuck should it end and be different for Xmas? After all, if it were any other time of the year you would still have a beef with somebody.

I much rather prefer someone to be straight with me, than being a pandering twat just because it’s Xmas. One time, I was at a local pub (highly irregular as I wouldn’t be seen dead in a local around here) because of a small impromptu gathering of work colleagues during the last day, a few years back. One particular character was present that was one of the chief ringleaders in secondary school that took great enjoyment at making my school life hell for five years. He decided to attempt to befriend me. His reasoning? “Come on mate, it’s Xmas”. Errr…how about kiss my fucking arse. I replied back with “No, you’re no mate of mine, and I don’t care if all this shit was a decade ago plus ago. Just because it's Xmas doesn’t make it any fucking different!”. Needless to say, a group of the blue collar workshop staff were wanting to smash his face in if I desired.

Let me make this clear: Xmas DOES NOT automatically reverse all wrongs. Besides, after Xmas it will be fucking business as usual and the sentiment wouldn’t mean shite all.




(2) Pre Xmas nausea:
I recently found a cracking definition, as explained on urbandictionary.com – the word being:

HALLOTHANKSMAS
Hallothanksmas is an event running from early October to New Years Eve. Due to peoples obsessive need to start the holidays earlier and earlier, the Three holidays of Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas have merged into one huge morass of shopping.
So have you already done youre Hallothanksmas shopping?

I couldn’t have described it better myself. Apart from the slight UK difference that we don’t have Thanksgiving. Well, I’ve never heard of UK peeps celebrate Thanksgiving, unless they were Canadian or U.S. Expatriates.

From Halloween onwards, the whole universe seems to turn upside down. A week later, there's Guy Fawkes, and then a small handful of weeks until December. TV and Radio is decimated with Xmas shopping adverts and the Xmas boredom-a-thon starts in earnest. With fucking decorations up everywhere, starting the onslaught of the brainwash machine drawing the bovine masses in like a moth to a flame. I get sick of December before it even fucking lands because of it. It really does seem to come earlier and earlier, with the likes of selection boxes seen in shops in the first week of November with all the shop fittings being rearranged virtually overnight.



(3) The 'excuse' to get pissed:
Whenever I discuss my reasons for hating Xmas with work colleagues or anybody that is 'Pro Xmas', they ALWAYS quote:

“But it’s an excuse to go an get pissed, mate!”

Our survey says: EH EHRRRRR!

I don’t know about anyone else's financial situation or time schedule, but with reasonable notice, a few calls, text messages, emails even, I can pretty much go and get pissed whenever I want with some pleasant company that are willing to indulge. If I take the above statement literally, do all people remain teetotal until December? I think NOT!

Besides, everywhere is packed like a bastard and becomes more expensive. Double or more rate taxi fares come into play and alcohol prices rise to rape our collective cash cows. Personally, as a result, I am less inclined to go out on the piss. Not MORE inclined.

An important factor for avoiding going out over Xmas is down to what I commonly refer to as the 'AB CD Drinkers' that come out of the woodwork, I call them this because they only come out over Anniversaries, Birthdays, Christmases and Deaths; this by far is the most important reason. I got out on a regular basis and catch up with many friends and go out at least once a month. Then, all these otherwise teetotal boring arseholes invade my establishments who can't handle their alcohol and then proceed to drink cheap anything that is beyond 10%+ alcohol - and in the case of 'Black Friday'/'Mad Friday' they finish work and have been drinking since around lunchtime.

As a consequence, they come out and ruin it for the regulars. A sea of idiots invade the place, red faced men who wear shirts that are two sizes too small for them in garish colours and buzz cut 'Marine Hard Man' haircuts; they always reckon you spilled their pint and are usually the same dickheads found when there's major football matches on that are screened in pubs, not forgetting starting a random argument because they overheard you saying something to a friend that contained the words 'The' or 'And' in a sentence.

Not forgetting the women; usually the female counterpart to the 'ABCD Drinker' species. They're as equally brash as the men and are characterised by fake tan that makes them look like they've bathed in gravy and/or fucked in a dustbin full of cheesy Wotsits, with make up slapped up with a trowel who look more like circus clowns than a woman with class. They can be found braying tunelessly to 'popular music' and take great delight in airing their tits to all and sundry, in some instances caked with flecks of Lambrini flavoured vomit.

My sympathies go out to those who work in the medical profession who are underpaid and severely overworked during that time dealing with these pissed fuckwits; tending to taking shards of broken pint glass out of their heads and torso, broken limbs, black eyes and stomach pumping - and the dumping of elderly relatives taking up hospital beds because they can't be arsed keeping an eye on them. Not forgetting those who clean the town centres the day after, mopping and swilling away a sea of partially digested kebab and pizza mixed with piss. THOSE GUYS AND GIRLS - deserve a fucking knighthood.




(4) Who the HELL are you?:
Why is it, that you have family that decide to show up Xmas that you would not normally see for the rest of the year unless someone died or got married? What is this about?

Every year, without fail, I see a trail of obscure relations resurface out of the woodwork to come and visit. These people, don’t make a conscious effort to keep in touch normally, and my Mailbox is not inundated with their messages, be they of an electronic manner or 'dead tree' based, or phone calls for that matter. I really don’t know why they use Xmas as an excuse; If they can’t be bothered contacting me via any means at their disposal outside of Xmas then I’d rather they didn’t fucking bother in the first place.



(5) Selfishness:
Xmas, I believe, brings out the 'Inner Bastard' in us all, even me. For the rest of the year, everyone just gets on with shopping as normal. Come Xmas time everybody is running around like a crazed maniac driven with greed and their own sense of self preservation. Now, as I said earlier, it’s supposed to be 'Peace and goodwill' and all that cobblers. Nope, people are willing to step over and kill their own Grandmother just to get something before anyone else buys it five minutes ago yesterday.

One time I had a war of words on the bus to Central Pieland. The bus was packed to the max, just because every bastard was out wanting to shop all at the same time. Some lard arse, unemployed Chav bint with the complexion the colour of a cheesy Wotsit crossed with the texture of a water biscuit was blocking the aisles when I tried to exit the bus as I had arrived at my destination, with a triple pram. A triple fucking pram! They should be banned!

I got a torrent of abuse for trying to pass, despite being polite and saying “Excuse me”. She snappily replied with “You could have said excuse me, you ignorant bastard, I’ve got a fucking pram!”

To which I replied:

“If you had fucking heard of contraception, got a job and not lived off my taxes, then maybe I would have fucking got past you, you ignorant fat bitch!”.

You could have heard a pin drop at that moment, and as I exit from the bus I was greeted with a sea of glares. To which, I gave them the middle finger salute. If this was any other time of the year, this WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED.



(6) The lonely become even lonelier:
While everybody is filled and driven with their own self importance and celebrating, it can become a period where some people become very isolated. The elderly that have no immediate family or friends are just cast aside as if they didn’t exist. People with little, if no family or friends are made to feel worse about themselves, if they happen to live in foreign lands for example.

Xmas, to some people can become an icy, desolate tundra in more ways than one as a result. It can also be a bad time for those that aren’t attached and don’t have a significant other to celebrate the season with. I can speak from experience with this case, as I recall a time when some friends of mine had partners and I was conveniently forgotten about and I disappeared from their radar as such. Xmas seems to care little about the isolated people, which is ironic seeing as one of its mission statements is to bring those closer together.

MetalliCure - Parallels

One thing I have never understood is Trad Goth vs. Metalhead rivalry. As I’ve said many times before online (and in person for those who know me) I have often said that this is rather silly and a bit like the Monty Python sketch in the ‘Life of Brian’ film.

Judean People’s front versus People’s Front of Judea.

We both like rather loud guitar based music, love going to gigs, hang out with like minded people and are religiously into our music in a manner that ‘The Normalloes’ never understand. Not forgetting dressing in an alternative manner that usually stands out from the crowd; for the most committed members to our ‘Ethnic Group’ anyway.

I believe that there are numerous parallels between the Goth and Metalhead scenes, and care little for Ubergoth snobbery.

Upon reading a recent and heated exchange of typed words via Twitter and my dot.comrade DJ Cruel Britannia [http://cruelbrit.blogspot.com/] versus a certain keyboard player from The Cure(dot.comrade so far as we we’re at WGW Nov 2011 and unfortunately didn’t meet, there’s always next time); I have come to the conclusion that The Cure are the Metallica of the Goth World

How so? I hear you ask:

The first handful of The Cure albums will always be remembered as their best works and discerning fans.

Discerning fans of Thrash Metal always hold Metallica’s first three albums in high regard

Both bands have become multi millionaires over a period of time and have artistically become very lazy as a result, feeling that they can get away with releasing any old crap. For example, check out The Cure’s most recent two albums and Metallica’s music after the release of ‘Load’. And don’t even get me started on the ‘LouTallica’ collaboration!

The Cure making the dubious decision of releasing an album that was produced by Ross Robinson, a producer that is more suited to recording Metal albums; which Trad Goths probably regarded as sacrilege

Metallica turning to shit after teaming up with Bob Rock for the ‘Black Album’ – who is a producer who worked with Bon Jovi, Motley Crue and Aerosmith.

Both bands mainly resort to playing (and often headlining) festivals. Or, touring and charging extortionate prices for gigs (The Cure charging as much as £100+ for tickets).

All of the above actions from both bands combined, have resulted in the band becoming very distanced from their fans and living in a complete dream world, feeling that they can charge whatever they like and to release whatever they like as an album. Probably, to the point where individual band members could release an exclusive CD/DVD of themselves farting into jars, and whistling to music on the toilet. The album would be restricted to limited edition prints made from mahogany, coated in the fur of an endangered species and painted with paint whose ingredients were probably derived from the product of squirrel’s tears.

Hard core fans of either band are completely myopic to the extreme if you ever question any opinions of both bands.

And lastly, outlandish statements and actions from band members. It has been well documented that Lars Ulrich is a bit of a tit and Metallica practically sued their own fans when all the Napster hoo haa was doing the rounds a good few years. And now, the keyboardist of The Cure ended up silencing an open minded debate about the current stinkuss that Jeremy Clarkson has caused (as highlighted at the start of this post, which is another story upon itself. Simply a case of “Oooh, lets say something controversial to boost ratings of The One Show and get more money into Mr Clarkson’s pockets).

To conclude, there are definite parallels. And that is just quoting the difference between two highly esteemed bands that are highly regarded in either scene.

Feel free to point this out to the next so called ‘Ubergoth’…

Maximes Rock Night, Wigan - A Short Eulogy

So, the last EVER Maximes - an end of an era for many including myself.

It seems that the 'other' Metal nights that were held had been cancelled over a year ago and the 'Hair Metal' night remained.

And now it is facing the same fate caused by what I refer to as 'Jillys-itis'; poor promotion, the new owners pissed the 'Z Rocks' promoters off, gross mismanagement, refusal to play any requests or try anything new and ground breaking choosing instead to tread water and play Disturbed's 'Down With The Sickness' eleventy billion times on the other nights.

Recession or not, this place would still be getting the numbers if the new owners and current DJ's had any vague clue what they were doing. Face facts. it has been going for over 25+ years or so to the best of my knowledge and had at least survived ONE recession in the clubs' lifetime and was still getting people in the very early 1990s irrespective. Even when i was attending there it was packed up until 3 Christmases ago or thereabouts when the new owners took over.

It will also be even more ironic if the last night out is packed, because the place has alienated its fanbase so efficiently over the past couple of years. Besides, it will clearly be a case of rubbernecking like watching a car accident in my view.

It has shot itself in the feet so much recently, that it no longer has feet left so to speak.

Take a bow, poor management and clueless owners. Well done on killing off a historic rock night that was nearly in the same high regard as The Floral Hall.

Well done, give yourself a pat on the back. Seriously.

RIP.

Nirvana and the 20 year 'Nevermind' album bandwagon (and reissues in general)

Greetings all,

Recently, it has been brought to my attention that there's a Nirvana bandwagon doing the rounds (the Seattle Grunge band, not some other band that I think was psychedelic or prog rock).

Great, another opportunity for the record companies to milk a cash cow! * groans *

It's the same old story that has happened before with many bands. “Oooh, it's been x amount of years since anyone heard of them. Let's go and re-release the back catalogue of their stuff RE-MASTERED in shiny new packaging with 24bit digital HDCD sound! The kids will go for that, as their parents only have vinyl records or tapes and nobody knows how to play those things now!”

I call bullshit, personally.

The 'Re-Mastering' process, so to speak, is usually a case of adding compression to the music. To amplify the quiet bits and to make it sound louder and somehow 'better', when all compression does is usually ruin the original master recording. Most of the time. Nowadays, the are remastered in such a loud and brash fashion just to suit fashonista wankers who wear cargo shorts and have edgy styled, slick haircuts who wear clothing by GAP to listen to on their iPods. Because “Those CD things are so passé, maaaaan”.

A typical example of 'money for old rope'.

I am old enough to remember Nirvana first time around, and I do like them. In fact, I was going to get a ticket for their 'In Utero' show for April 1994 until Mr Cobain decided to perform some interior decorating using his head, and a shotgun as a paintbrush. They made some good music, in my humble opinion and brought about the death of the stale 'Hair Metal' scene at the time, Although, in a counter productive manner they killed of a lot of decent Rock and Metal bands and ushered in an era of lazy bastards that looked like a bunch of people that just sauntered on stage from the street, instead of the showmanship and stage costume presence of yore.

The problem is down to the old 'bandwagon syndrome' that seems to occur with far too much of my favourite music. Personally, I like it when the band is a band that only myself and a select few that are musically 'in the know' are aware of them. I agree that this mode of thought does sound somewhat esoteric, but let me explain it to you this way; how many times have you been into something and then got sick to death of it because of excessive airplay? I am willing to wager that if you are a music fan worth your salt, this will have undoubtedly occurred.

A cracking example that demonstrates this point was Alanis Morisette. The album 'Jagged Little Pill' was a classic 'college alt-rock' album that was edgy, spikey, and had rather scathing lyrics and bile in some places (such as they lyrics in 'You Oughta Know' to quote an example). Then, everybody jumped on the bandwagon and started liking the bloody thing. This album has remained unplayed and filed right at the back of my CD rack for many years as a result and I don't have the urge to go near the damn thing.

Another problem is also down to music television channels as seen on satellite and cable TV, They ruin your enjoyment of the band by playing the 'radio friendly unit shifters' over and over again. This may help the band promote themselves and get revenue for the record labels to sign such bands , but ironically it starts to make you pig sick of the band in question. An example of this is Metallica; whenever I hear 'Enter Sandman', 'Sad But True' or 'One', they start to make one's stabbing hand itch as a result. And then, you go to see them live in a big arena gig which ruins it even further when you have the same fashionista arseholes moshing/dancing to said 'radio friendly unit shifters' and then looking blankly when they play material from earlier albums. This was observed clearly when I saw Marilyn Manson with my partner when 'Dope Hat' was played live, which confused this shower of fashionista bastards that were down at the front.

If you have never heard of Nirvana, or wish to discover a band I suggest that you scour eBay and get a second hand copy of their albums or a 'normal issue' of their album new (naturally, this also applies for any band besides Nirvana). I urge you not to buy into the remaster bandwagons that occur like this, just because it's in shiny new packaging with bonus tracks, a sexy wooden and brass slip case with an Ocelot fur lining or whatever bloody rubbish they are trying to trick you into buying.

Also, you know those tracks you hear that are played to death on music channels and the radio? SKIP THEM. This is also a perfect remedy for those who are sick of hearing what was their favourite band, and it can be once again enjoyed how it used to be before the bandwagon occurred.

Finally, I have something else worth mentioning here with regards to Nirvana.

I'm lead to believe that there is some strange rumour that people are trying to get Nirvana as a Christmas number one. Have you considered the fact that it was the rise to fame of Nirvana that contributed to Mr Cobain's death?

Here's one worth mentioning to the 30+ somethings that are out there:

Cast your mind back to when 'Nevermind' first came out in 1991. You may recall your parents prattling on about The Beatles and how great they were, and yet you dismissed them as a load of old shite who had split up 21 years previously because “Grunge is where it's at, all rock music is dead!” rather foolishly. Remember?

Well, guess what buddy – time is a fickle son of a bitch and it's come full circle.

WELL DONE ON TURNING INTO SQUARES LIKE YOUR PARENTS!

As a closer to this blog, here is an example of a re-arranged track listing for 'Nevermind':

01.

02. In Bloom

03.

04. Breed

05. Lithium

06. Territorial Pissings

07. Drain You

08. Lounge Act

09. Stay Away

10. On A Plain

11. Something In The Way

12. Endless, Nameless

Happy listening.

War Against Bandwagons - Arena Filling Bands

Greetings all,

As a Metalhead by default (Goth second), I have been to see many bands over the years; you can't be a proper fan of the music without at least getting a few gigs under your belt – it could even be described as a 'right of passage' so to speak.

I have been very privileged to see bands that have been at the height of their powers (Max Cavalera era Sepultura, Paradise Lost before they emulated Depeche Mode), and bands that are sadly no more (Pantera, Stamping Ground). Not forgetting meeting band members too (Morbid Angel, Brutal Truth, Dream Theater, Bolt Thrower, Cradle of Filth – and yes, the latter did have a piss ant attitude as well documented by the music press).

I do confess to being somewhat stubborn and dogmatic about many things. Due to getting into the scene at a time before Nu-Metal had existed, and with regards to my musical preferences I am quite rigid about what I prefer. For example, when I find a band, I love the buzz of discovering a band before most people have heard them. Or, at least a very select few people – and many examples of this have occurred but unfortunately snowballed out of control, notably Arch Enemy (who I had followed after the demise of Carcass before they had Angela Gossow on vocals), and Nightwish (I bought 'Oceanborn' not long after it came out when barely anybody knew about them). Okay, it doesn't put bread on the table for the band and they don't make a really good profit but I like it when a band stays pure and to their roots. To be honest, when a band gets too successful and earned their way they become musically lazy when they get to stadium filling level as it's usually just about the money and not about the music. There are numerous examples if you sit there and think about it properly.

Anyway, the source of my discontent is when a band claims that they are eventually calling it a day. Which, if mainstream so called 'Popular Music' (sic) is anything to go by is a load of bollocks – for example with the likes of Boyzone and the 'Lazaurus-esque' resurrection of Take That. In the case of the Metal scene – I cast the finger of suspicion over Rammstein.

So far, I have seen them twice, some time in 2010 and during their 'Mutter' tour of 2002 that had American Head Charge and Raging Speed Horn as support (Manchester Apollo). I have pondered seeing them again, but I refuse to see them out of principle.

“Why is this?” I hear you ask.

As mentioned before, widespread rumour and 'legend' has it that they are about to split up and word has it that next year's tour is to be a 'Greatest Hits' tour. Two things here, set off alarm bells in my mind:

'Greatest Hits' and (allegedly) 'Splitting Up' – also, the so called 'xx Year Anniversary Tours' (as a tenuous connected footnote).

As far as I am concerned, a band should 'never say never'. They should not mention they are splitting up and just disappear off the radar, usually getting their fingers dirty with curious little side projects. Or, just go back to their relatively normal lives living off the fat of their earnings with touring if they are that successful as a band and make a ferocious profit. To be honest, a stadium filling band isn't entirely short on cash and claims unemployment benefit in the interim, does it? - NO, they don't (although Paul Di'anno – ex Iron Maiden did get busted for fraudulent claiming of unemployment benefit, apparently).

To be honest, I have more respect for a band that does this as they leave fond memories behind, and keep their fans guessing, wondering, and living in hope that they tour again before either someone in the band carks it or the fan in question carks it. To me, personally, I call bullshit on a band that claims they are calling it a day as all I see it to be is a cynical marketing exercise which drags their fans like a moth to a flame. So, I opt out of this and take no part in it whatsoever. I am sure I will not be the only person that will happily sit there, laughing their arses off if (usually, when) they 'valiantly return to the stage'. You can't sit there and say “No, it won't happen” - it might do, it might not. Who knows, apart from the band members themselves? People also mention that they are 'cracking on a bit' with the band members being an average age of 45 and are too old to be doing it. Fair enough, but what about the likes of Motorhead and AC/DC then? Those guys must have 10 years plus over Rammstein

While bringing this to a close, I dislike the bandwagon of an arena gig in general. I feel, as a result the bigger the venue the more it depersonalises the music, atmosphere, and experience as a whole; large sou-less venues that are are more like a sterile concentration camp, with over zealous security that herd the flock of sheep in to be financially raped by expensive warm beer, substandard nasty food and band merchandise that requires the fan to re-mortgage their home, to be gassed in their own musical Auschwitz. Many bands don't work properly in the arena environment, and in some cases the support can embarrass the main act – for example, the last time I had seen Slayer live I found that Lamb of God destroyed them and sounded more potent and ferocious. Sadly, as much as I love Slayer I hate to admit it but it's true.

What makes a gig for me, is a smaller and friendlier setting – even if it's a crummy venue where even the Cockroaches are complaining. A setting where you can get as close or correctly equidistant as you like without the sterile confines of a stadium sucking the soul out the enjoyment and the marrow from the music. Somewhere where you can easily find your friends in-between bands playing, and discuss how it went. A venue where, if you so wanted, can be sufficiently near enough to see the whites of the band members' eyes. The smaller venue is a dwelling of, dare I say it a form of beauty where you can enjoy a band in a more intimate setting (and come home with some decent pictures and memories, instead of muddiness and lack of focus and clarity both aurally and visually). Not forgetting it's great when you bump into band members on occasion to give them the thumbs up in person and congratulate them on their musical works.

If you want to ruin the enjoyment of a band – go to a arena gig. You know it doesn't make sense.

Summer Sucks Arse (an ode to a shitty British summer)

Greetings dear viewers,

This is a poem that I created some time ago, and seeing as it's Summer (at the time this is posted), I have decided to post it on my blog.

The Summer arrives as if with no warning.
Bringing longer nights and earlier dawning,
This in itself sounds like a blessing,
But it brings forth something more distressing,
Soaring temperatures, either Fahrenheit or Celsius,
For for small, young, and old, can be very dangerous,
The summer weather is awful and a total bore,
If I wanted this hassle I would go southwards abroad.


The sun worshippers come out in their masses and droves,
Cold Weather they have loathed now disposed,
Sunning themselves so they can boast,
They look like Lobsters of pieces of Toast,
Exposing themselves to possible skin cancer,
Sunbathing to me is certainly no answer,
Swarms of bugs awaken, for example mosquitoes,
They attack the extremities like fingers or toes,
They swarm in masses and give me the creeps,
Yet tonnes of people still sunbathe like mindless sheep,


Plants wither and die because of hosepipe bans,
So people go mad and stash water in containers and pans,
The temperatures soar higher and higher,
Britain's warm weather plans are disorganised and dire,
The Sun's power burns and is harsh for the eyes,
Despite wearing sunglasses there is no respite,
Bringing along problems like forest fires,
The fire fighters are stretched to the max,
Meanwhile the flames climb ever higher.

And then comes night fall, still warm, no respite,
It continues to annoy with endless spite,
Sleep is impossible - clothes shrink wrap - you sweat,
The Gnomes turn off air conditioning with deepest regret,
You try to sleep, it causes hassle and you weep,
"Please stop cooking me!!", night terrors ruin sleep,
So this is my take on the heat wave, it's a stupid farce,
Bring forth an Ice Age, and shove this weather up your ARSE!

I mis the day of decnt englash writinz n that aha ha [sic]

I remember a time before most people had internet access. The internet, or BBS (pre World Wide Web – called Bulletin Board Systems) was only the preserve of the rich. Or, 'lab coated intellectual university types'.

[dons a smoking jacket, and swills around a glass of port while puffing on a cigar]

The 'information age' is all very well and good. It's amazing the way people can communicate online via the medium of social networking sites and forums. It's great how it has made the world smaller if you look at it in a certain fashion, and how it brings people together. Such as this hallowed forum to quote nearly infinite numbers of online examples, You can even go as far as checking this place out on a smart phone wherever you are. Hell, you can even look at the forum while you're on the toilet in a random Starbucks somewhere. Instant communication. The stuff of dreams.

Or...Is it?

[Cue Dvorak's 'New Age Symphony' at this point]

Back in the late 1990s when I finished college, Windows XP had yet to exist and internet connections were expensive. Most people either rang people up, met them down the pub, invited themselves over for tea and biscuits – maybe even a few beers. The only way I kept in touch with college friends that split and went to University while I got a job was writing to one or two people, We aimed to stay in touch with several others but they all disappeared into the ether (to be found a decade later lurking on Facebook with kids, a mortgage, a job, probably some grey hairs and a bit of weight. Maybe even a bit threadbare in the old barnet department for blokes. It varies).

I used to enjoy writing to a friend of mine. Every week, without fail, I would write about how things were and just about anything that we believe that mattered. Not piddling observations either. Elaborate tomes on A4 margined paper, spanning around 10 pages. With decent spelling, punctuation and grammar. These never suffered from connection problems, or needed technical know how. Just a bit of time, your favourite pen, and a 20ish pence for a sticker with The Queen's Profile on it stuck on the top left corner that officially paid for it to reach the destination outlined on the envelope.

Occasionally, I would ring him up too. Using my shiny new mobile phone, which not many people had. Which looked ever so flash and 'looked like it cost a bit' and would raise an eyebrow to use some of my 100 minutes monthly allowance on my contract. There was something in the manual about 'SMS Messaging' – and often wondered what it was like to receive such a thing on my phone.

Every month, or every other month depending on financial circumstance I would take a train down to his University Digs and crash out over there. Meeting in person, having a good old pint down the pub or several. And getting up to madcap high jinks with the occupants of his Digs. I would also splash my wages on shiny new CD's, or better still – Vinyl. Second hand Pink Floyd, Mike Oldfield, and one time I was blown away by the majesty that was 'Floodland' by Sisters of Mercy. Even brand new vinyl. New releases by my favourite extreme metal bands like Emperor, Napalm Death, Deicide, and a record by a bunch of men in Badger-esque make up that had an indecipherable band logo. It was either Darkthrone or Cradle of Filth. I can't recall. I still have them somewhere. And, a couple by this band called The Mission.

I would often stick the hi-fi on, and just write away to these friends. They done the same thing too. And this may looked like I was being anti social, but I also had friends that were more local to me that I used to catch up with and have a pint with them too. I made sure I made the time.

Fast forward back to modern day:
Sometime, not so long ago on a broadband connection browsing Facebook somewhere in a North West town in a spare room, I read an interesting status. It read that they received a letter from their Grandmother that was beautifully wrote, with correct grammar, spelling and was moved by it. She felt the need to switch the PC off and write back. The stati claimed an 'epic number of like clicks' with many people reminiscing of those times. Amongst the sea of drivel that read “I ad my fish n chips 4 my tea n it wuz gret likh, aha” and such like.

Don't get me wrong. I don't want to go back some strange Victorian era where we all wrote with a quill and ink, but don't you miss the days of this sort of thing outlined in this post? In some way, technology has helped communication but has also depersonalised it to some extent.

Make of this what you will...