Currently I am out in the wilderness
due to being made redundant approximately 10 months ago, and despite
much effort and applying, have mostly been ignored; going through the
bureaucratic firewall that is employment agencies – about as close
as I got to an interview was 2 months ago. Seeing as it's summer (at the time of being published), I
am treating this a lot like the way a student would do when they have
a so called “gap year”, doing things of which employment would have
got in the way of.
Anyway, to cut a long story short I may possibly elaborate further on this experience in a future blog. But, there are a lot of areas to cover and it would be difficult to get it all out of my system.
Anyway, to cut a long story short I may possibly elaborate further on this experience in a future blog. But, there are a lot of areas to cover and it would be difficult to get it all out of my system.
In the meantime, I have penned a
satirical letter which displays exactly how I feel about the whole
re-employment process. I'm itching to use this, to be honest –
especially if it did actually land me a job where the 'powers that
be' have a sense of humour and would have piqued their interest.
So, here it goes....
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing with regards to your job
vacancy of Head Office Administrator, as seen on a poorly coded and
generic job recruitment website littered with spelling errors and
ambiguity.
I am a fully experienced administrator
that once worked somewhere for the best part of a decade and a half,
performing many administrative tasks – notably data entry, dealing
with awkward customers over the phone who think that they know
better, and working as a team digging ourselves out of bodges
performed by management that can't even find they way out of a paper
bag. How they became management material is a continuous source of
bafflement, but I digress. Please find enclosed my CV – which I
believe fully demonstrates my capabilities.
I'm a hard working, popular employee
that not only gets the job done well – but in an exemplary manner
that will probably embarrass the more incompetent individuals in your
team that you are probably sick to the back teeth of. More
importantly, due to not being married or having children I won't use
this a 'green card' to be absent on certain days and use my family
as an scapegoat. This also includes the blonde office tart that's
continuously sat Instagramming pictures of her lunch and gawping at
her iPhone all day, trawling through Facebook when she should be
working; while you haemorrhage away £20k a year to keep such a work
shy individual, clearly kept by management because she looks 'easy on
the eye' and enjoy low level sexual harassment and horseplay.
I am now tired and sick to death of
applying for many jobs, and being out in the redundancy wilderness. I
wish that you would give me the opportunity to discuss this vacancy
further in person rather than dealing with the allegedly sage advice
of recruiters who can't even find their way out of a carrier bag or
organise a booze up in a brewery.
Thank you for your time. Please don't
hesitate to contact me to discuss this further, but you probably
won't bother and employ some college leaving bozo that has no prior
experience and not learn from prior mistakes of employing people that
aren't good enough for the job.
Yours Sincerely,
The Armchair Anarchist
