Myth Busting 4G phones in the UK

At this present moment in time (Feb 2013), new mobile phone season is upon us (well, for me it is anyway). Naturally, there's a lot of hoo haa, buzz words, and general bullshit out there to snare the unwitting consumer into a new mobile phone contract. Fortunately, dear readers – I'm here to perform some myth busting.

4G is basically speed improvements over existing 3G/HSDPA (High Speed Data Packet Access), which put into layman's terms in comparison and speed will be like changing from copper wire based internet (8mb max) to fibre optic broadband with speeds beyond 20mb* (if you're lucky; people have patchy 3G as it is on some networks in the UK*).

[*figures quoted realistically/pessimistically – tick where applicable]

Okay, let's chimplify this more – your YouTube videos and music streams will no longer lag and work at super fuck off speeds akin to a greased weasel. On fire. With a rocket up its arse.

Agreed? Good!

Over the weekend (9^th Feb), I have been investigating various phone shops in Liverpool to get to the bottom of all this.

Recently, Orange and T-Mobile have got into bed with each other and now go under the Everything Everywhere (EE) banner and they were the first to win Offcom's auction of frequencies which will be used for 4G in the UK. In essence, remember the old TV channels that got switched off for Freeview? Well, it's that 'neck of the woods' they sold off for the next generation of mobile broad band and mobile phone use; which was why people recently had to retune their TV's in the North West of the UK (areas served by Winter Hill transmitter – Manchester, Liverpool, Lancashire). They've called 'shotgun' for the time being, and are offering contracts using this shiny new fancy pants tech – but God's Tits does it cost a fucking arm and a leg! Starting at around £35 per month with 500mb, which if you lived in spitting distance of Liverpool or Manchester would disappear as quickly as Usain Bolt if his arse was on fire. Not good, man. Not good.

Other networks are mentioning 4G at the moment, but that's as far as you'll get – mentions. I was disappointed with Vodafone in particular which offered 4G capable handsets (Nokia Lumia 920, Galaxy S3 LTE, iPhone 5) and were quick to put posters up everywhere and have a load of robotical sales reps say how awesome the phones are – but when pressed further mentioned that they didn't actually have 4G yet, but will have it in the summer. If you sign up for a 4G handset from them, you will only be using 3G or HSDPA existing speeds and WHEN it arrives, your contract will be altered to include a 4G data allowance. They've not committed themselves to any date of any form, and at the time of writing is essentially pointless owning one on that network, At the moment, O2 are also as clueless but are very quick to point out the fancy pants tech which will be available soon, however the definition of soon is anybody's guess and they're currently lagging behind the 4G race.

The most interesting development so far, is from the Three network – who allege to have some of the fastest and best mobile data speeds in the UK. There is mixed opinion of this network, but from my observations it appears to be sour grapes from rival networks. So far, I've got a couple of family members and friends on the network, and it works beautifully. MORE IMPORTANTLY, they're one of very few networks that have infinite data allowances and even allow tethering on certain contracts; the ability to turn your phone into a portable WI-FI hotspot so that you can use a laptop, netbook, or tablet that doesn't come equipped with a 3G mobile broadband modem.

There is mention of a technology called DC-HSDPA (Dual Cell High Speed Data Packet Access), which is doubling the effective bandwidth and speed of mobile broadband. This means your data will be twice as fast as before, but it isn't 4G. This, sounds like it's a cop out – but it isn't. Naturally, your data speeds will be faster than before which will basically become something faster than 3G/HSDPA, but not 4G speeds. Three appear to be doing an incremental upgrade in data speeds, and when 4G does become implemented you will be charged no more for the privilege. At the current time of writing, they are offering the Sony Xperia Z (bloody lovely phone, actually – a very sexy piece of tech), Samsung Galaxy S3 'Ultrafast' (the LTE version of the S3 with some tweaks to processor speed, memory, and removal of FM radio to accommodate the 4G antenna), Nokia Lumia 920, and lastly the iPhone 5; these can access DC-HSDPA and eventually 4G. The staff in Three were also very helpful and talked me through some suitable contracts, and seemed decent enough people. So far, Three is the one I shall go to – as they offer a speed improvement already and offer 4G eventually without paying through the nose.

The next visit, was Phones 4U. An Orange tariff didn't interest me, as like Vodafone and O2 they don't offer infinite data, which I believe is a necessity if you're going to have a phone of this calibre. They offered me a contract on T-Mobile, which is part of the EE network and a Galaxy S3 LTE. I asked about the Note 2, but they did not know that there are two versions of this phone (and even Tech Radar reviewed the Note 2 and committed a fuck up on this one!) and were a bit scared at my Rain Man like ability to tell them the differences between the two.

So, what ARE the differences?

The Galaxy S3 and Note 2 have an FM radio in it.

The Galaxy S3 LTE and Note 2 LTE DOES NOT have an FM radio in it.

The LTE versions have the FM radio capability removed, with slight tweeks to processor speed and memory. Because, the space inside the case has to house the antenna module to use the LTE network. Also, there are model number differences. BE VERY CAREFUL WHICH ONE YOU PICK.

Normal Galaxy S3 is GT-I9300

LTE enabled Galaxy S3 is GT-I9305 (available on T-Mobile, Three and EE on a 4G contract)

Normal Note 2 is GT-N7100

LTE enabled Note 2 is GT-N7105 (again, available on T-Mobile, Three, and EE on a 4G contract)

I discovered that you can have the LTE versions on T-Mobile, and in theory should be able to hop onto 4G's EE network if available. As I said, in theory and citation will be needed on this – I need to get this confirmed and add an addendum to this blog. I don't see why not, as it's supposed to be all 

the same entity now.

Amusingly, Phones 4U were also quick to slag off the Three network. I had the following exchange with them:

Me: “So, I'm pondering on T-Mobile, or the Three network. Infinite data is a necessity, why have a phone like this if you have a data cap?”

Sales Drone: “Agreed. But Three network isn't very good and their customer service is interesting”

Me: “How is it interesting?”

Sales Drone: “Well, they're not very good and I've heard loads of problems with them. They're not worth the hassle”.

Me: “So, do you know anybody who uses the Three network?”

Sales Drone: “Well...errr....I've heard a lot of complaints about them,,,,errr,,,,,”

Me: “So, you don't know anybody with issues with the Three network then?”

Sales Drone: “.....Errr....anyway, we can offer Vodafone if you wanted, with 2GB data a month...”

Me: “Wait there, I'm trying to LEAVE Vodafone!”

Sales Drone: “..............”

To conclude, I have the following advice.

4G is in its infancy. The braggards who have signed up on EE's 4G network have essentially more money than sense right now, as the data allowances are very low for the speeds available – and it will be consumed. Very quickly, And go over your limit. Very quicky. And become VERY expensive. VERY quickly. Also, if you used your own Wi-Fi (especially if it's BT Infinity or Virgin fibre optic) you will have speeds from your own router in your home that will beat the living shit out of 4G speeds right now. That is, of course, assuming you can get a 4G signal in the first place.

The cheapest option (but with the most expensive initial outlay) is to purchase an LG Nexus 4 from Google. The phone is £279 SIM free and will take a SIM card from any network. The downside is that it's not 4G capable, but why worry? The coverage is still in its infancy, and combined with a Three rolling contract SIM or Giff Gaff (who use O2's cells), you have infinite data and a decent call/text allowance for a mere £16 which you can walk out of at any time. Granted, the cost of the handset is initially punishing, but you will save a shitload of cash and it will pay for itself in a year versus a contract of double the monthly cost. I'd take that route myself, but monies have had to be directed for other uses at this moment in time and it's looking very likely that Vodafone will be given the heave ho in March, and I will go either Three or T-Mobile,

4G in the UK – don't be sucked into the hype!

The “You're single with cash to burn” experience

In the eyes of common law (despite seeing Lady Bastardo for 10 years) I'm categorised as being 'Single', if I was ever to sign any paperwork for anything. I find this notion to be somewhat Victorian in 21^st century society; marriage in my book is a ridiculous dogma that insists you must declare to the world that you love someone with a signed 'contract', piece of circular precious medal, and a pretentious ceremony that erodes both parties of cash. While friends and family (frenemies?) gather round to praise, and judge in equal measure. Also, this irritating draconian notion insists that you must procreate, and pepper the world with the spawn of your collective crotches. In accordance to a divine set of doctrine declared solemn and supposedly correct by some mythical bearded sky pixie, or perhaps a load of different pixies, some taking the form of animals or something. I don't know, it's all stuff and nonsense – fuck that shit.

Anyway, this brings me to something that often occurs with family members, or work colleagues especially. The usual pattern, is that when something shiny and new gets sent to work – be it something from eBay, Amazon, or whatever – a green eyed goblin, usually a person who is up to their eyeballs in debt makes a cutting petty remark about your shiny new purchase. Especially, if it's something very big, very shiny, and even worse again if it happens to be a brand new car. Oh yeah, woe fucking betide you if you ever do such a thing. It's up there with digging up their dead grandmother and performing degraded sexual acts upon their rotting, maggot ridden corpse.

In this particular instance, as a pathological gadgetophile I'm cultivating a total nerdrection. “Why is this?” I hear you asking. Well, it's that most glorious moment on the calendar that occurs only as frequently as 18 months (or 24 depending on your contract).

What I'm referring to, is a shiny glass like trinket of joy. A thing of wonderment, that contains your universe, communication, and a fantastic tool of procrastination; ladies and gentlemen – new smart phone season is coming, and I'm like a small boy hyped up to the fucking eyeballs on sherbet dip, blue smarties, and cheap nasty Rola Cola. I've narrowed it down to the following models: Samsung Galaxy S3, Galaxy Note 2, LG Nexus 4 (which is stock Android without any fancy bollocks on it), or the Sony Experia Z. Before you ask, I'd rather cut my cock off and fry it in garlic than have a fucking iPhone and join that irritating group of smug fucktards. Sorry.

So, this morning I was chatting to a colleague about this, and then one of the management figures decides to join the conversation.

“My contact is up on my phone next month, I can't wait”

Only for him to reply “My mortgage is up next month”; which swiftly (and ignorantly) derailed the conversation.

What the actual fuck? Was there a need for this?

I work hard, for my money – despite cynics saying otherwise because “Office work isn't proper work. You need to be mending roads, work in a factory, or be in the army”. So what? I'm employed, and I'm far from being a scrounger, especially with working the best part of a decade and only having a two month spell of unemployment in my life.

These judgemental people with families piss me off. I'm not up for family life, or wanting children of my own. So, how dare people judge me and my missus for not wanting kids and enjoying our money to do whatever the hell we like with? Family life isn't for us, and we're quite happy with that, like many of my friends are who don't wish to sign up to the mighty contract of family life. In fact, the 2.4 children model is a dying model, and people in the 21^st century often lead secular lives and chose not to take that path. If I choose that path, it's none of anyone's fucking business and it's not anyone else's to judge.

So, you hate me having shiny new things, and being able to do as I please? Well, you should of thought of this the night you chose to make the beast with two backs and not thought of contraception. You should have thought of the possible ramifications of going through with having children, and committing yourself to at least a 16-18 year sentence. You should have thought of this when you were in it over your heads and chose against abortion because it “Offends your God” - if you're so fucking Pro-Life, then why don't you all lock arms and block cemeteries. “But she was 86 and got hit by a bus!” - “THERE'S OPTIONS!!” - to quote the late Bill Hicks. My point is, if you chose the family path then you should have manned the fuck up and researched deeply into it – as those micro people called babies take up a shitload of time, resources, and MONEY – yes, that thing I apparently have too much of. Therefore, it's hardly MY fault that you're in it over your head. Not forgetting that 5 bedroom house, four more children, brand new Ford Mondeo (when that 6 year old one for only a few grand that was a Titanium X turbo diesel with leather seats and air conditioning would have been just as good), and paying for the eldest ones to go to the best university. Oh, and those platinum credit cards you keep on waving around like your conducting a fucking orchestra, and that twice yearly holiday to the Algarve.

I'm not in debt, and don't need to be, and there isn't a need to be – money is not a meaningless stream of numbers on a computer screen. I manage with what I've got, and I chose the sensible path to not have children as it was MY choice and not what society insisted that me and my missus should do. So, whenever I get something brand new, or go down the pub I suggest you take a long hard look at yourself before you decided to cast your critical eye over my lifestyle. You could have had it like me, with infinitely less stress and financial complication. But, it's plain for all to see that over the years you can't see your own nose at the end of your fucking face.

I'm not being down on all people with families, only the jealous green eyed twats that are sick of their own lives and need to make changes, rather than lash out at others and made snide comments. If you've started a family, then don't come to me moaning about it and that you're failing to keep your head above water. You had a choice back then, and you chose to ignore the other possibilities and how bad it could potentially become – as you chosen to bow down to the comfortable yet ironically restricting dogma as enforced by rules entrenched by so called conventional society.

In essence, go fuck off and have a word with yourself.