A Eulogy to '@AsdaCurrySauce' on Twitter

Recently, a gaping black hole and large dent has been left on Twitter since the untimely demise of the @AsdaCurrySauce user account.

To those not in the know, someone or something (or a group of people or ‘somethings’) had created a surreal Twitter account singing the praises of the budget curry sauce. The only way it could be described, is the strange ramblings of a mad man (or men, or even people) with what appeared to be an unhealthy fixation with a lowly jar of curry sauce. Or, quite possibly, the sentient musings of a jar of curry sauce that had possessed a so called scribe to express itself all over the internet like the Stanley Unwin tribute account. Maybe it was a group of students, or ex students that lived off jars of the stuff back in the day due to the astonishingly cheap price of 19 pence (it also used the hashtag of ‘#19p’ to infiltrate Twitter and trend itself - it has since doubled in price to 39p due to inflation I assume). It may even have been created by a current or ex-Asda employee. However it came to existence is entirely unclear and only known by its creator(s) and I believe that one of the people responsible may still be following me on Twitter.

Origins aside, this was a highly amusing character on Twitter that gathered approximately 5000+ followers since its inception. I also had the good fortune to be mutually followed by this entity and we both enjoyed each others ramblings, which was an absolute honour and of more importance than being followed by an actual living and breathing celebrity. The humour involved was a surreal variety that was an acquired taste (no pun intended), a type of humour that was undeniably British and of a somewhat Monty Python flavour. Fortunately, its presence has been burned indelibly into the internet and traces of its history still remain.

Here are some snippets to demonstrate its glorious ramblings:

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"How to spot an Asda Curry Sauce fan: 1. Frantic weeping 2. Drastic blood flow to genitals 3. Rainbow eyes 4. Hovering Jesus 5. Randy shadow"

"'Hi Jane, I can't make Zumba. The kids gave me Asda Curry Sauce for Mother's Day and now when I look in the mirror, there's nothing there.'"

" 'HI Hugo, I can't make drinks. I just had some Asda Curry Sauce and now there's a bounty on my head because my guts are so valuable.' #19p"

"IN OUR NEW ADVERT, A RANDY KRIS AKABUSI RIDES A HOVER NAAN AND FIRES ASDA CURRY SAUCE AT A CUNNING POPPADOMASAURUS ON THE PLANET BASMATI."

 "If you basted your body in Asda Curry Sauce, people around you would collapse into lust piles and this would make your commute much quicker."

 "Just to reassure fans, the man who had a year-long orgasm after tasting Asda Curry Sauce has now replenished all lost liquids. #watchdog"

" IN OUR NEW ADVERT, AN UNHINGED AINSLEY HARRIOTT DRESSES AS A QUEEN BEE AND ORDERS HIS CONCERNED FAMILY TO LAVISH HIM WITH FOOD AND GIFTS."

 "Some people enjoy Asda Curry Sauce propped against a wall, mouthing song lyrics to their crying reflection in the smudged television screen."

"You could pour Asda Curry Sauce into a handbag before bed and when you wake, a holy shaft of light will be bellowing all the way to heaven."

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Unfortunately, over the past couple of months it appears that Asda had been applying the thumbscrews on this account as numerous subtle account name changes had been noted and it was clearly mentioned that the account was by no means affiliated with the Asda brand. I personally believe that the account generated some positive PR for the company, and probably helped to shift more jars of their budget curry sauce to more people due to this Twitter account. I hold the belief that ANY PR good or bad is still nevertheless PR and helps to get someone or something even more recognition. Put it this way, Countess Bastardo bought a jar of it as a joke due to me going on about this Twitter account all the time. Turns out, that it tasted truly amazing and I tweeted something in its honour that went along the lines of:

“Had some ‘@AsdaCurrySauce’, chicken, rice, and wedges for tea. Now I can see through time and I’m speaking to Jimi Hendrix on my Tele Box”

This pleased it, and became one of its favourite tweets. We have since bought more jars of the stuff and currently think it’s one of the best budget food products ever made. If this isn’t an instance of positive PR, then quite frankly I don’t know what is. Before it’s disappearance, it was also clear that it was far from running out of amusing ramblings to tweet about – Asda threatening some form of legal action obviously killed it off

Personally, I believe Asda have missed a trick here down to one or perhaps a group of humourless people working for the place. The possibilities could have been endless, such as a small series of surreal and bizarre late night adverts demonstrating the virtues of the budget curry sauce brand which would have benefited the coffers of both its creators and Asda themselves. This could have been cult viewing, and gained even more fans and would have made for at least one example of a glorious collaboration that could have gone super viral. Alas, it was not to be.

In the Bastardo household, Friday tea time is a special event as it’s always declared as ‘Curry Friday’. I will have a jar of Asda Curry Sauce, chicken, and rice in its honour. I only hope that you will do the same.

RIP ‘@AsdaCurrySauce’. The Twitterverse will never be the same again. You brightened up our cigarette breaks, lunch times, and bored internet procrastination – gone, but by no means ever forgotten.