The Blog is Dead - LONG LIVE THE BLOG

This site will no longer be used - as I've opened a pretty and funky looking WordPress site. 

Cheers, and thanks for reading.

Please visit my word press on: https://armchairanarchismblog.wordpress.com/

Keyboard > Sword: Twitter Crying Arses and Five Minutes of Dubious Fame

I’ve had a Twitter account for 6 years and miss how it used to be a few years ago when my current incarnation was much smaller. The popularity of having 2000+ followers (at this moment in time) is something that I find alarming. After all, I'm just some Goth bloke in the North West of the UK that uses Twitter as a spleen vent, and in that time I've made some good friends. Some that I've met, and some I’d consider having a pint with in the future.

Now, if you think this blog post is a case of ‘online dick waving’ then you’re free to go. But, stick with it as there’s important lessons to learn.

It all took a turn for the super scary, when I was unwittingly endorsed by Katie Hopkins, who is an endless cause of divisive highly polarised opinion:

Well, I say super scary as I was not prepared for how powerful the online word is. Especially, over the medium of Twitter.  Yes, I’m aware of how retweeting works and how things spread; but at the very most I’ve had something like, I dunno….several retweets for something? About 10 – 15 retweets tops when people have deemed something I typed to be that funny?
This sounds like a naive thing to say, but I wasn’t prepared for what happened.

It got to the stage where there was 10 or 15 retweets, then it snowballed to bigger and bigger proportions. Then, as soon as Katie Hopkins retweeted the thing it exploded with the 'RT' and 'Like' quota spiralling ever higher to the point where ‘the internet’ wouldn't shut up. For the most part, the replies were positive and a sudden spike in followers occurred. Along the way, there was the usual piss-ant replies random yahoo’s, a lecture from some old dear about swearing on the internet, and a ‘drive by blocking’ where I didn't even get a chance for a witty retort.

The question is: Has your life changed due to being retweeted by a celebrity?

Answer: Nope.

Literally, five minutes of internet fame for what a few people have told me online as “One of the biggest online smack downs I’ve seen in living memory...”, “Bellendosity is the best word I've ever seen in my life!” to the simple “You win at Internet!”.  As far as I'm aware anyway.

Here’s the serious part:

We’re becoming more entrenched with the online world and sharing our thoughts about anything, and people of a certain age (like me) wish for simpler times as we basically think the internet is the ruination of the world; that affects social interaction and isolates people more than breaks down barriers. Rather than the plus sides of spreading free, unbiased information and unifying the populous as a collective whole, shrinking the world and smashing down boundaries. I've seen kids that can’t even function without online interaction and are poor communicators. Notably, as Saturday staff that my missus has took on to work in retail as the best example. They stumble, form broken words and despite the power of the Internet has reduced their social skills.

My original reason for speaking out against this person who was wanting Katie Hopkins to be booted off Twitter forever, is that I defend free speech. I defend people’s identity online, whether they just to be who they are, semi, anonymous, or fully anonymous; Twitter provides a very powerful platform of free information for all with no bias.

I don’t believe in an Orwellian ‘thought police’ world where people aren't allowed to express views online. People have good reasons for being anonymous, semi anonymous, or just being precisely who they are and that is entirely down to how comfortable they are with their online presence and the consequences. Obviously, there are blatant trolls hiding behind an online veil and I don’t consider them to be excused – but one person’s troll may be a speaker of truth.

I don’t believe in being frogmarched into using your actual identity online, which should be down to that person’s choice. There may be people under witness protection, living in a place where they could face imprisonment for a simple innocuous tweet, or in sensitive job positions (however, there is an element of common sense and decorum).  Social networking is a way of distributing free news and information, that is otherwise conveniently brushed under the carpet and whitewashed by the media moguls that control it. Does this sound ‘tin foil’ hat? Well, have a good look at North Korea – a country shit scared to do anything that is brainwashed, and look at how Turkey attempted to block Twitter and the recent protests marches in the UK the news channels appeared to conveniently forget about.

I've been on the Internet for 15 years, and I have to say I don’t find many things shocking any more. I speak in a forthright and perhaps overly blunt manner that is equally admired and despised, but at least I'm honest. I've had accusations of keeping bad company online but I've had the foresight and ability to read through the lines and see that they’re good people. I’ve seen it all on here, moderated forums, dealt with idiots, and called bullshit on idiots. I'm the same in person, but obviously you can tell by body language and intonation when I'm being serious or taking the piss – which is something that is lost in translation online unless you put a smiley emoticon,  'TongueInCheek' or 'Obvious Sarcasm' hashtag.  Moreover, I'm not going to change how I operate any time soon – and neither should you. Lastly, think long and hard before you react to something you see online. Often, ignoring something sends a more powerful message than reacting to it – because there’s people that fish for a reaction (I wholly admit to it, for shits and giggles too when I'm feeling mischievous). If you don’t like it, then don’t read it, as nobody forced you to view it. The same can be applied to the TV, or the radio.

If you've never read it or watched it, check out George Orwell's 'Nineteen Eighty Four', as you could be forgiven for thinking it’s a ‘how to’ manual rather than a piece of fiction.

If we’re not careful, that world could become even more of a reality.

Man offended at Twitter unfollow seeks government funding.

A man today has expressed outrage on Twitter today due to being unfollowed by a couple of long term followers.

Bernard Trouserpress, 36, of Kiddeminster – who owns a chain of lactose free artisan dairy produce stores called 'Cheeses of Nazareth' expressed his disgust at being unfollowed on the popular social spleen vent site Twitter; by referring to these people as “Petty minded individuals undermining his internet friend safe space”, even referring to one follower as ”A mean spirited trolling arsehole”.

“I can't believe I got unfollowed, the cheek of it!” spluttered Bernard, while drinking a Tofu smoothie, who in his spare time is a pansexual Panda otherkin. “Who are people to question the notion of social justice online, and the right to stamp out hate speech? Not forgetting the right for people to persecute stores online to bum free products by pretending they found fishing maggots in Satsumas, or Cadbury's Roses poured into a Mars Celebrations tin, or to say that a band is shit?”.

“These people sicken me. Who are they to express opposing views? In today's society, people should skate around issues and not mention that they hate something online – it can trigger people and cause deep psychological harm, who will think of this?”

Bernard is currently looking into a crowd funding exercise to start 'Social Networking Police', and is running an online petition to ensure that so called Internet trolls should be banned from the internet, safe spaces for all, and to set up a government funded penal colony of 'nice thoughts rehabilitation camps' for such offenders.

We interviewed @Wankbiscuit23 who had watched the events on Twitter unfold in earnest. “He should put his fucking iMac down and get some fresh air, the whining fucking ponce. People should learn that it's words on a screen, none of it matters, and they should quit finding shit to be offended by”.

Bernard Trouserpress' friends were unavailable for comment, because they had better shit to do. Like switching the computer off and going down the pub.

A World Without Lemmy

We tried not to imagine the day arriving, and we tried to put it to the back of our minds. Nobody was entirely geared up for Lemmy's passing, and sadly it's now here.

Lemmy is no longer with us, and joined the metal festival in Valhalla.

For people of my age bracket (above 35), Motörhead have been a relevant and important band of the musical landscape; and something that is very difficult to imagine how things would be if they hadn't existed at all. In fact, in the first 10 albums that I bought as a teenager two decades ago was a Motörhead album on tape – a compilation called 'Welcome To The Bear Trap'. I may have originally jumped into the deep end with metal by discovering the likes of Sepultura, Carcass, Napalm Death, Paradise Lost and Metallica – but that solitary tape album to me was an important founding cornerstone to my collection.

Naturally, after my collection snowballed onwards I tracked down the first several albums of Motörhead on vinyl in the late 1990s; eager to burn my wages in my first job on expanding my music collection. At a time when most second hand albums varied between £3 to £10, usually on average of £5-6 each, as vinyl was deeply unfashionable (as hard as it is to believe). Naturally, this was the perfect way to build up my collection while everybody was more interested in re-buying everything all over again on CD because they 'last longer' – the amusing irony of this being that some of these shiny spinning discs suffered from disc rot and were almost as 'frail' as vinyl. Eventually, I got to see them for the first time in 2000 during their '25^th Anniversary Tour' – where I bought a  tour scarf and original tour shirt.

What is it that I love about Motörhead exactly and what is their appeal? Well, they're not the fastest band in the world, nor are they particularly complicated or proficient musically. They didn't become a shower of lazy bastards where fame eventually got to them and they pedalled any old shite (take a bow, Metallica). They didn't sit on their laurels or shit on their fans (take a bow, Axl Rose), nor did they bail out of touring citing bullshit frivolous reasons unless there was something VERY wrong. Lemmy didn't disappear up his own arse, or acted like a pretentious sanctimonious twat; preaching about how we should be give more to charity or save the world - while using a private jet just to ferry a fucking hat back to his ivory tower (take a bow, Bono).

Lemmy and his band were so brilliantly workmanlike, and had a working class ethic. For the most part in their 40 year career, they just toured. By touring, we don't mean selectively play one London date and fuck off home, oh no. They toured and catered for pretty much EVERY town, leaving no stone left unturned; levelling their audiences with sonic carpet bombs wherever they went.

Lemmy was all you could ever want from a frontman, and Motörhead was all you could ever want from a metal band. A true icon if ever there was one, dare I say God-like – I mean, look at him; he looks like the devil reincarnated as some strange hard rock bad guy from a spaghetti western for fucks sake! He was booted out of Hawkwind for being far too batshit for them (and they even had a butt naked girl with her tits out on stage in the early days). He tried to form a band called 'Bastard' until it dawned on him that it probably wasn't 'Top Of The Pops friendly' (for those under 25, that was a weekly televised popular music show that you could be forgiven for thinking solely had paedos for presenters). He may have moved to LA, but he only lived in a poxy flat filled full of war memorabilia and kept his lifestyle somewhat 'meat and potatoes'.

The band released albums as regular as clockwork, and toured regular as clockwork – a seemingly reliable force that was like night and day. Always around weathering the storms of life, and essentially no matter how bad things were in your life – Motörhead were always there. They were music to party hard to, to drive like a fucking lunatic and lose your driving licence to, a band to smash shit to, a band that has you stage diving onto your coffee table, doing Alan Partridge bass, doing the face. They were a soundtrack to people old and young, and even people that were old, who acted young, and by rights should know better. A band which huge confidence in its sound, that kept it the same for 40 years. A band that didn't change its style for fear of not fitting in with musical trends and declaring dumb shit such as “Rock is dead”, or that Metal isn't a thing any more (take a bow, Smashing Pumpkins and Metallica). Motörhead didn't jump on the alt-rock bandwagon and try to sound grunge, nor did they try to change their sound to Nu-Metal and realise it was a huge mistake, then take a u-turn (take a bow, Machine Head). They stuck with a punk fused metal ethic, and a simplistic three piece band that didn't need lots of extra musicians for no fucking reason (take a bow, Slipknot).

They were accessible to all, they gave a shit. Touring for four decades didn't bother them one bit, they had a tour schedule that would embarrass many a band and make them look like a bunch of fucking lazy ponces. They didn't pull bullshit such as crowd-funding an album and tour, because Mummy and Daddy wouldn't give Tarquin an advance lump sum from their trust fund. They cared about their fans, and were stereotypically British without looking like excessively patriotic far right die hards. You couldn't help but forgive them whenever Lemmy and his men had to apologise for cancelling a show, in fact they were like the reliable faithful old Labrador that you couldn't give a bollocking to – despite the fact he chewed your boots and pissed on your broadband router.

Motörhead WERE MUSICAL RONSEAL – THEY DONE WHAT IT SAID ON THE TIN.

The Unsung Pocket Jukebox Hero

It's been about a year since Apple has quit selling the iPod classic, which in its 160gb guise was an incredibly useful thing for the pathological music fan that likes a soundtrack to wherever they go. This caused many problems for people, as they were deliberately hunting down old iPod classics and squirreling them away as backups; not forgetting at the time a spike in second hand prices due to massive demand – also there's nothing out there with that level of storage space. Short of getting a 128gb card and using it in your phone (assuming it's Android and can take a Micro SD card of course). I mean, not everybody wants to put all their eggs in one basket and cause more battery drain – and wish to have a separate mp3 player. Well, I do anyway – most of the time.

So, there's people out there gently nursing iPod Classics until they die – and dreading the day it does.

I've got the same problem. However, it's not an iPod Classic – it's an Archos 48IT.

Archos made some of the most criminally underrated devices of its time. When people had monochrome display iPods in 2005– I had something that was able to playback films that I ripped from DVD into DiVX, and mp3's. One of the great ground breaking things about it was the ability to pipe it through a TV, so it was essentially a portable DVR – something that Apple had yet to dream up. The AV500 I had back then contained 30gb of storage space, and the ability to pipe it through a TV. Friends used to brag about owning an iPod, then I'd whip that out and completely blow them out of the water as the device was extremely ahead of its time.

Over the years, I upgraded to the Archos 5 that had a 160gb drive – which by that point allowed the user to not only pipe the device through a TV – you could also synchronise a Freeview tuner or Skybox to record to it, even though at times it wasn't entirely perfect and varied from device to device with the remote sender that came with it. The Archos 5 then developed the ability to download codec packs from their website, where you were able to play back in various audio formats (ogg, flac, mp3, m4a, aac and even one that allowed Dolby Digital sound output from correctly converted video files) and some primitive online TV streaming capabilities over wifi. There was various accessories you could buy, a DVB-T tuner stick that gave the user the ability to watch television, and FM radio capability.

A stand out feature with the Archos players that I love, is the ability to use the device literally as a bloody massive pen drive. If you switched the device into a hard drive based mode without synchronising to Windows Media Player or iTunes, you could literally drag and drop music and audio files on there without the need of intrusive software. More importantly, you weren't locked down to using the device on one PC – unlike the iPod that insisted you use iTunes or die, and still does to this very day.

Yes, that's right. You could go over to your mates house with your TV dock - and have a tonne of films on one device, and a tonne of tunes that pre-dated Spotify and Netflix by years.

Not entirely plain sailing...

You may think to yourself - “Well, if the device is that good then how come it hasn't taken over the iPod”

I will admit there are quirks with the device. Later models did have the odd teething problem that was over exaggerated, and in comparison they were given an unfair reputation. In my case, I will admit that I had to send my Archos 5 back with a screen fault, that was repaired under warranty and received back within a week and a half after being sent back to their HQ in France. 

In their last incarnation with the Archos 48IT – instead of using a basic Linux operating system like the Archos 5, it was lumbered with an elderly form of Android – version 1.6, that was never updated by Archos and no Custom ROM support as seen for smart phones. Which, in comparison to using my Sony Xperia Z3 now overshadows it due to the ability to use Spotify and stream music over the air.

The biggest complaint with the device is that it was a jack of all trades, and a master of one. Notably, the internet browser, email, and GPS functionality was rather crude - but its strength was more geared towards being the device of the audio and video connoisseur; mentioned earlier with with plethora of codecs it could play back which was unrivalled at the time. Basically, treat the device as a video and audio playback device and you couldn't go wrong which is why I'm comparing it to the iPod classic as an alternative device. The most balanced review can be found on C|net's website, while the reviews on Amazon are negatively biased from people wanting the moon on a stick.

The final issue with the Archos is that you have to be reasonably tech savvy to know how to rip films onto the device, as you're on your own to hunt for the software you need.  When I used to use Windows full time, I used something like DVD Shrink to rip the film onto the hard drive and then convert with ImToo Video Converter Platinum. I used to convert the .vob files into 700-750mb .avi DiVX files, or aim for 400-450mb MPEG4 files; DVD ripping took 10 minutes while the rendering into DiVX or MPEG4 too 45 minutes to 1 hour. This was dependant on the quality of picture you wanted, speed of your processor, and memory (in this case, Intel i3 circa 2010 with 3GB - higher and newer spec PC's with more RAM will be a lot quicker). Naturally, such a thing didn't bother me in the slightest - as there was no way I was taking the iPod route, I've had it too good with Archos!

However, due to having a massive 500gb drive inside it (unheard of in any mp3 player) I find it such a convenient device to use – as the thing is chock full of films and music.

Sadly, Archos have given up with these players – and eventually various tablet devices took over. This was also aided by the ability to stream television programs with the likes of BBC Player, Sky Go, and Netflix to name a couple - and the ability to use various apps to be a fully all encompassing multimedia device.

My old digital chum is cracking on a bit in years, and I'm dreading the day I'll have to replace it – the same thing in common with iPod classic owners. As an alternative to the iPod classic, it's certainly worth tracking down on eBay and is a bit of a bargain.

It will be a sad day when this once innovative device goes to the Valhalla's branch of PC World, and I fear those days are coming soon.  

Top 20 Albums of The Year 2015

The time is once again upon is for the album of the year list, and this time around the whole 'listing' thing has become an easier process. When I first composed last year's list, it forever put me through turmoil whenever I played a particular 'nominee' - where I would end up feverishly editing the list and making tiny incremental jumps; to the point where I'd lay in bed and think "Nah, got to hop back on the PC and sort this out!". You know how it is.

I've decided that I'm sticking to the format of a top 20 albums list, because 10 would be too short and over 20 would dilute the content. It also entered my head to simply call it 'Album of The Year' simply for the fact I listen to a wide variety of rock, metal, and alternative tunes - but primarily it will always centre around something that is metal 95% of the time. Because in my minds eye - there is barely, if anything at all, worth noticing outside of the realms of metal and rock genres. There was 'nearly' a closely connected post punk album that almost made the list, but decided it wasn't to be included.

This year also brings a special 'Worst Album Of The Year' nominee. An album I nominated for a variety of different reasons - notably down to ferocious hyperbole, being boring, dull, uninspiring or just being plain shit. This category (at the time of this post) will probably grace future album of the year lists.

Without further ado, here is my list in descending order.

20. Nightwish - Endless Forms Most Beautiful 

Originally, I had lost interest with Nightwish after Tarja left - and didn't pay much attention of their output after they changed vocalists. Upon discovering this album, I decided I was being a bit of a willymong and gave it a whirl. Bombastic, over the top, and as overblown as Nightwish could be. A dizzying and enjoyable sonic journey.

19. Moonspell - Extinct

A very nice offering from the Portuguese purveyors of gothic metal noire. Has a delightful heavier mix that echoes to the Moonspell of old, but mixes together the elements from their mid period peaks of 'Sin/Pecado' and 'The Butterfly Effect'. A solid effort.

18. Children of Bodom - I Worship Chaos

After the 'Are You Dead' album, Children of Bodom disappeared from my radar. For some reason, the albums after that become half arsed, bloated, 'Bodom by numbers' that I couldn't be arsed entertaining. 'I Worship Chaos' is a decent return to form that I played quite a few times. Okay, it isn't exactly 'Hate Crew Deathroll' or 'Follow The Reaper' - that sounded like a melodic death metal interpretation of a fast paced Japanese shoot 'em up game soundtrack, which I loved so much - but it's near as dammit for me.

17. Ahab - The Boats of The Glen Carrig

Crushing, slow, brooding, and a truly dizzying sonic journey. Ahab continue from strength to strength with crushing doom brutality. Like being pummelled by a block of demolished flats, then sent to an extremely long aural death in the most delightful way. Marvellous work, lads.

16. Tsjuder - Antiliv 

Tsjuder (pronounced 'shoo-der') are a decent black metal band that's been going for many years, and part of the earlier cluster of bands from the scene. A decent effort, that shows that they've still got what it takes; that I feel gives lesser bands of their ilk a run for their money. 

15. Amorphis - Under The Red Cloud.

Another band that I've never heard for a good while, that for some reason I lost interest in. However, the lads in Amorphis produced this stunner. A perfect mix between their older, and newer material that shows a level of decent song writing, hooks, and maturity. Familiar like a pair of steel toe capped Para Boots you've owned for the past 10 years, yet at the same time invigorating and different.

14. Leviathan - Scar Sighted

Leviathan were initially a strange one, as it didn't immediately grab me. However, further listens reveal catchy and addictive hooks. Claustrophobic, spiralling, with progressive twists and turns that serve to enslave the listener that sounds so fresh that I struggle to find comparisons to other black metal bands as a reference point. When a band does something that that, it's a truly special thing. Bask in the descending madness.

13. Mgla - Exercises In Futility 

After disappearing off the radar for a couple of years, Mgla are back with renewed vigor. Inky, black metal futility that's combined with a touch of melody, and soaring riffs to even out the sonic bombast. Powerful stuff.

12. Sigh - Graveward

Love them or loathe them, you can't say Sigh are boring. Combining their usual batshit mental mix of weird instruments, clean vocals, keytars, trumpets, and lord knows what else going on in there. A band that literally are in a league of their own, that are peerless - even though this is studio album number 10. How the fuck do they do it?

11. Enslaved - In Times

Black metal stalwarts Enslaved return after a near 3 year hiatus, with impressive results. Demonstrating a complex mix of black metal, taking many twists and turns into clean vocals and almost prog rock sensibilities. Granted, it may upset the kvltists and there are times where I miss the more brutal tones of 'Below The Lights', 'Monumension' and earlier works - but it's hardly the fatal sea change that Metallica performed, is it? Works for me, and excellently so.

10. Fear Factory - Genexus

I admit to being sceptical about a new Fear Factory release, but Genexus is fucking ridiculous! The aggressive buzz saw stop start "DAGGA DAG! DAGGA DAG!" attack of Dino Cazares on guitar. with Burton C Bell barking/crooning over it just like the good old days. Takes me back to feeling like I'm a 16 year old lad again with 'Demanufacture'. Massively catchy, highly charged, and just makes you want to turn the living room into a one man moshpit. Throwing shapes, doing the face. Fucking get in.

9 - Melechesh - Enkii

A very distinctive black metal band, driven by the trademark middle eastern groove that Melechesh are known for. An exemplary album that graces the upper echelons of the album of the year list without question. that is as strong as their previous works.

8. Nile - What Shall Not Be Unearthed

Initially, I was a bit concerned with Nile due to the oddly lacklustre previous album 'At The Gates of Sethu'. There was something amiss with it, that I couldn't quite put my finger on and I feared for their future. However, all doubts were squashed when they released 'What Shall Not Be Unearthed'. A stunning return to form, and worth it for the massively catchy riff laden track "Evil To Cast Out Evil" and the chest beating chorus. Epic.

7. Paradise Lost - The Plague Within

Paradise Lost have left their shonky Depeche Mode-isms now for at best part of a decade and a half, continuously releasing albums that have more than made up for their innovation/dodgy and needless experimentation (delete where appropriate and taste dependant). 'The Plague Within' delves back further into 'Shades Of God' and even 'Gothic' territory, which I've certainly got no issue with. Sweet.

6. Cattle Decapitation - The Anthropocene Extinction

A grindcore/death metal masterpiece of the year without question. Touching upon the tried and trusted themes of extinction and the annihilation of mankind that Cattle Decapitation are best known for, without losing a beat. Deliciously feral, with incredible musicianship, and continuing to innovate. I mean, just look at the album cover alone! Fuck...A dead guy on a beach spewing canisters of toxic waste out of his innards, how symbolic is that? What?

5. Napalm Death - Apex Predator, Easy Meat

Essentially, one of the forefathers of the grindcore genre that helped to form the cornerstones of the extreme metal movement. Napalm Death aren't any mere extreme metal band, oh no. They're an INSTITUTION, a veritable household name. A good 30 years in the business, and still sound as relevant as ever. Further fuelled by the end times of a Conservative government, which is one of the only plus sides to giving this band necessary ire - and they're seriously pissed off. As subtle as a Glaswegian kiss. 

4. Cradle of Filth - Hammer Of The Witches

If I had made a 'shock comeback of the year' award, these guys would walk it. I hadn't been that terribly bothered with Cradle of Filth since 'Midian'; casually listening to their newer output with a sense of apathy and malaise. Although, it has to be said 'Darkly Darkly Venus Aversa' was an album of note when it came out. Initially, my scepticism levels were set to high - until I played it. FUCKING NORA, HOW ACE IS THIS THING? EH? EH? IT MAKES ME WANT TO WEAR CORPSE PAINT, AND SPIKES, AND WALK ABOUT MY LOCAL HILLS WITH THE WIND IN MY HAIR LOOKING ALL BLACK METAL, AND SET THINGS ON FIRE! EH? HOW FUCKING ACE IS IT? LISTEN TO IT LISTEN TO IT LISTEN TO IT!!!! AAAARRRGHHH!!

3. Panopticon - Autumn Eternal

Annoyingly, I was 'late to the table' discovering the sheer brilliance that is Panopticon - a one man black metal band fronted by the incredible talents of Austin Lunn. I mean, even the split EP's that he makes with other musicians are utterly ridiculous and god like. Earlier on in the year, 'Roads To The North' completely exploded my mind - notably down to the incredible closing track 'Chase The Grain'. Which, sounded like something Mike Oldfield would make if he was a black metal musician. Seriously, it's THAT good. In this album, they dialled back the bluegrass elements a touch and centred on a sound that reminds me of Agalloch meets Winterfylleth. It has it all; soaring intense moments, melodious moments, and brutal moments that can flail the skin. It's more of a sonic adventure than a mere album.

2. Ninkharsag - The Blood Of Celestial Kings

I've seen these guys a couple of times with support to other bands, the most notable time was when I seen them support Esoteric in some dingy pub in the darkest corner of 'The Merseyan Sphere' - and thoroughly bloody enjoyable that night was too. Ninkharsag take the best of the black metal influences, and turn it into a bewitching fucking massive earworm. Perfectly crafted,  with a duration that is only just over half an hour that has you begging for more. It you don't move your arse and one man circle pit to 'The Essential Salts of Human Dust', then you are without doubt a tone deaf root vegetable - and have a fucking good word with yourself.

1. Negura Bunget - Tau

What can I say? The whole albums is just ridiculous and other worldly in every definition. Negura Bunget have around for a good while, finally peaking with the jaw dropping masterpiece that was 'Om'. Worryingly, an acrimonious fall out occurred that only left Negru as the sole remaining member. They bounced back with 'Vîrstele pămîntului' that many people loved, but it didn't quite grab me. Not that is was poor quality, it just sounded like a band that suffered a radical line up change (of which it did) and was trying to find its feet.

The album is like an adventure to listen to, wearing its Romanian culture and influence proudly upon its sleeves. Opening with the classic 'Nametenie', and with moments of sheer musical beauty like 'La Hotaro Cu Cinci Culmi' and 'Curgerea Muntelui' that break up the brutality of the heavier tracks in an astonishing manner. Even indulging in a bit of chirpy polka fused folk and black metal with the brilliantly silly 'Inpodobeala Timpului' - that sounds like a black metal version of Mool Prepya from the series ' This Is Jinsy'.

I couldn't put the thing down, and even bought it TWICE - once on vinyl AND CD. Even though I had the album at the tail end of January as a promo to review for This Is Not A Scene. I fell in love with the damn thing, it's just astonishing.

BEST. THING. EVER.

'Worst Album of The Year' 

Iron Maiden - The Book of Souls

This year had many good albums, and a sea of seriously bloody awful ones.  I'm a fair man, and I do give albums and bands the benefit of the doubt before I'll be all "Murrrr, that's shit, murrr murrr" whenever I hear about it.

Okay, I admit I'm ambivalent about Iron Maiden at the best of times; I like certain tracks and will play an album of theirs once every blue moon. But, by and large think they're overrated.

Major faults? Needlessly long so the tracks are diluted, and a 'phoned in' feel,  Worst thing of all? It sounds like a tired Iron Maiden covering Iron Maiden. Moreover, the positive reviews you see are typed by the fanbois that can't accept constructive criticism because how dare anyone pick a fault with Iron Maiden. Well, I'm not - and I will.

There is only one crime worse than a musically poor album  by a 'household name' band, 

A painfully average one by a 'household name' band.

Therefore, 'The Book of Souls' claims the 'Worst Album of The Year' award and is a perfect example of just because something has a 'name' - doesn't mean that it's good.

It's Not All Strepsil Sponsored Vocals...

It's summer, 1994.

A socially  awkward young metalhead who had just finished his first year in college was enjoying his first week away from the grind of coursework. The summer months meant a time of partying with a bunch of metalheads, hippies and stoners that took this guy under their wing when his best friend was more interested in the carnal pursuits of a girlfriend. It was a splinter group of early twenty-somethings, all living in a row of houses, meaning he could crash over and drink as much as he liked without grief from his parents.

His love for metal was stronger than ever, but it was confined more and more to the extreme side of the spectrum. He had bunked off college one day just to purchase Cannibal Corpse’s latest album The Bleeding, his college friends had lent him albums and recorded mix tapes from bands such as Death, At the Gates, Morbid Angel, Deicide - and there was a lot of fuss about a new up and coming band called Machine Head.

The ringleader of this troop of metalheads, stoners and hippies was a guy called Daz. He had an elaborate collection of vinyl that you could spend hours looking at, including classic rock from the likes of Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath, Budgie and Deep Purple, as well as thrash classics from Anthrax, Megadeth, Metallica and Testament. It would probably take days to play this collection if you played it back to back without sleep. This young metalhead loved what he heard, and this rag tag bunch of friends often had random adventures and barbecues, at one point shoe horning six people into a mk2 Ford Escort estate and driving for hours to anywhere random, usually somewhere scenic - because "Why not?"  (one of them had passed their driving test recently).

For the most part, this young metalhead liked what he heard but was still pretty much all about Strepsil sponsored vocals, and power chords., In fact, ‘the lads’ didn't really get what he saw fascinating about a new vinyl he bought from a band called Cradle of Filth, and a CD from a bunch of teenage Norwegians called Emperor. It was all set to change one Friday night, when this young metalhead called over with some beers to Daz’s gaff. He was having a natter about music, and brought up a pre-recorded tape of Pink Floyd’s The Division Bell for him to check out. This led neatly into playing an album from his collection that turned into a real game changer.

The vinyl was placed onto the platter of a late 1970s Pioneer music centre. Daz was an audiophile on a shoe string. He preferred these type of music centres or hi-fi separates as "They cared more about the engineering of record players. When they made CD players, they skimped on record players and they sounded like shit, you know?”. This young metalhead agreed, as his father managed a hi-fi and electronic shop and was surrounded by technology from an early age; CB radios, VHS recorders, Amateur Radio, all sorts of things - it was pretty much genetic.

The music centre whirred into life, and a ethereal sounding choir came from the speakers; which developed into piano, mandolin, which build to a crescendo of lead guitar solos. This young metalhead sat there, mouth open and rendered completely speechless.

“What the?....Fuck....man! What’s this album, Daz? This is amazing!”

“It’s Ommadawn by Mike Oldfield”

“What? Mike Oldfield? That dude that done the theme to that banned film? I thought he only done this and some cheesy crap that my Dad kept on playing when I was a kid on holidays to Wales in his Ford Cortina. Really?”

“Yep”

The album starts off with in an ethereal manner, with soaring choir vocals, mandolin, piano notes, and occasional electric guitar flourishes and a piano riff. The choir still holds steady with layered keyboard synth effects, only to be punctuated by a mournful mandolin solo adding further to the ethereal atmospheres.  A guitar solo slowly builds from the mix, gaining in volume with a crash of cymbals. Then, a louder guitar solo soars over the top. This develops into further territories marked by flutes and pipes, building further into a crescendo once more with a duelling banjo style jam incorporating a recorder, piano, mandolin and acoustic guitar that sounds compelling and bewitching. A gentle section containing harps, penny whistles and so forth develops into more lead guitar trade offs. This then develops into a mournful flute solo before developing into deep African style drumming and nonsensical chants of “ommadawn” like a compelling witch doctor dance, all becoming louder and louder with every layer of instruments playing full force and ending with ploy-rhythmic drumming patterns reminiscent of post coital heart beats.



The second side of the LP continues with searing slow electric guitars, acoustic guitars and synths but this time more mournful, continuing with the dense multiple layers of the previous side but developing into an arrangement largely dominated by what sound like wedding bells, but with a sea of many instruments. A flute solo then appears in the mix surrounded by slow acoustic guitar strums and multiple dizzying keyboard effects. This clears and fades, like the fading of rain to a quaint Gaelic folk ditty involving bagpipes, acoustic guitars and harp flourishes. This interlude ends with what myself and Daz called the “Feeling sorry for yourself bit”; an interlude that seems to be a prevalent pattern on what I eventually discovered was found on all of Mike Oldfield albums - a mournful flute solo that blossoms out into multi layered instrumentation with keyboards and soaring choir vocals. Then, it develops into a fun little hoe down of drums, acoustic guitar duelling, flutes, and more searing electric guitar work, developing in pace and loudness before ending almost abruptly.

Finally. the album ends with a surreal moment. The final track is acoustic guitar, electric guitar flourishes and flutes; with Mike talking about how he likes beer, cheese, a place called Hergest Ridge and riding upon horseback. The ‘song’ contains the nonsensical chorus of “Hey and away we go, through the grass across the snow, big brown beastie, big brown face, I’d rather be with you than flying though space”. Clearly something that he wrote on one of his more lysergic moments, perhaps consuming ‘those sort of mushrooms’.

From that point on, this young metalhead suddenly had his musical horizons expanded. The album was truly compelling, with complex sound structures with waves upon waves of different instruments added to the mix as the album went on. He had to know more of this sort of thing.

The following week, he had also discovered the joys of Ozric Tentacles - which one of the other lads brought along - and he quickly learnt of bands such as The Black Crowes, Steve Hillage, Gong, solo stuff from Pink Floyd members such as Roger Waters and Syd Barrett’s 'The Madcap Laughs' as the summer months went on before he returned back to college for a new term. When he left college and got his first job as an Office Junior, contact with these friends eventually faded. He grew out of their ways and ended up finding different friends. With the new found freedom of his own money and not misspent college grants, he went on to purchase hi-fi separates of his own and spend industrial amounts of money on trawling vinyl shops to replicate what Daz owned, or to even better it.

This young metalhead would even think nothing of buying complete discographies rather than just one mere album, with albums by Hawkwind, Deep Purple, Yes, Sisters of Mercy, The Mission, and even a job lot of Kate Bush records finding their way into his collection. Nowadays, this man has a comprehensive collection that stretches from Jimi Hendrix to Darkthrone. Death and black metal is still this guy’s specialist subject, but now he now knows about a whole tonne of music. Oh, he also got the rest of the Mike Oldfield albums too and just purchased Man on the Rocks this weekend just gone on vinyl.

It just goes to show, that an innocuous vinyl once heard at a friend's house many years ago can be enough to prove that it doesn't all have to be Strepsil sponsored vocals and power chords.