Top 20 Albums of The Year 2015

The time is once again upon is for the album of the year list, and this time around the whole 'listing' thing has become an easier process. When I first composed last year's list, it forever put me through turmoil whenever I played a particular 'nominee' - where I would end up feverishly editing the list and making tiny incremental jumps; to the point where I'd lay in bed and think "Nah, got to hop back on the PC and sort this out!". You know how it is.

I've decided that I'm sticking to the format of a top 20 albums list, because 10 would be too short and over 20 would dilute the content. It also entered my head to simply call it 'Album of The Year' simply for the fact I listen to a wide variety of rock, metal, and alternative tunes - but primarily it will always centre around something that is metal 95% of the time. Because in my minds eye - there is barely, if anything at all, worth noticing outside of the realms of metal and rock genres. There was 'nearly' a closely connected post punk album that almost made the list, but decided it wasn't to be included.

This year also brings a special 'Worst Album Of The Year' nominee. An album I nominated for a variety of different reasons - notably down to ferocious hyperbole, being boring, dull, uninspiring or just being plain shit. This category (at the time of this post) will probably grace future album of the year lists.

Without further ado, here is my list in descending order.

20. Nightwish - Endless Forms Most Beautiful 

Originally, I had lost interest with Nightwish after Tarja left - and didn't pay much attention of their output after they changed vocalists. Upon discovering this album, I decided I was being a bit of a willymong and gave it a whirl. Bombastic, over the top, and as overblown as Nightwish could be. A dizzying and enjoyable sonic journey.

19. Moonspell - Extinct

A very nice offering from the Portuguese purveyors of gothic metal noire. Has a delightful heavier mix that echoes to the Moonspell of old, but mixes together the elements from their mid period peaks of 'Sin/Pecado' and 'The Butterfly Effect'. A solid effort.

18. Children of Bodom - I Worship Chaos

After the 'Are You Dead' album, Children of Bodom disappeared from my radar. For some reason, the albums after that become half arsed, bloated, 'Bodom by numbers' that I couldn't be arsed entertaining. 'I Worship Chaos' is a decent return to form that I played quite a few times. Okay, it isn't exactly 'Hate Crew Deathroll' or 'Follow The Reaper' - that sounded like a melodic death metal interpretation of a fast paced Japanese shoot 'em up game soundtrack, which I loved so much - but it's near as dammit for me.

17. Ahab - The Boats of The Glen Carrig

Crushing, slow, brooding, and a truly dizzying sonic journey. Ahab continue from strength to strength with crushing doom brutality. Like being pummelled by a block of demolished flats, then sent to an extremely long aural death in the most delightful way. Marvellous work, lads.

16. Tsjuder - Antiliv 

Tsjuder (pronounced 'shoo-der') are a decent black metal band that's been going for many years, and part of the earlier cluster of bands from the scene. A decent effort, that shows that they've still got what it takes; that I feel gives lesser bands of their ilk a run for their money. 

15. Amorphis - Under The Red Cloud.

Another band that I've never heard for a good while, that for some reason I lost interest in. However, the lads in Amorphis produced this stunner. A perfect mix between their older, and newer material that shows a level of decent song writing, hooks, and maturity. Familiar like a pair of steel toe capped Para Boots you've owned for the past 10 years, yet at the same time invigorating and different.

14. Leviathan - Scar Sighted

Leviathan were initially a strange one, as it didn't immediately grab me. However, further listens reveal catchy and addictive hooks. Claustrophobic, spiralling, with progressive twists and turns that serve to enslave the listener that sounds so fresh that I struggle to find comparisons to other black metal bands as a reference point. When a band does something that that, it's a truly special thing. Bask in the descending madness.

13. Mgla - Exercises In Futility 

After disappearing off the radar for a couple of years, Mgla are back with renewed vigor. Inky, black metal futility that's combined with a touch of melody, and soaring riffs to even out the sonic bombast. Powerful stuff.

12. Sigh - Graveward

Love them or loathe them, you can't say Sigh are boring. Combining their usual batshit mental mix of weird instruments, clean vocals, keytars, trumpets, and lord knows what else going on in there. A band that literally are in a league of their own, that are peerless - even though this is studio album number 10. How the fuck do they do it?

11. Enslaved - In Times

Black metal stalwarts Enslaved return after a near 3 year hiatus, with impressive results. Demonstrating a complex mix of black metal, taking many twists and turns into clean vocals and almost prog rock sensibilities. Granted, it may upset the kvltists and there are times where I miss the more brutal tones of 'Below The Lights', 'Monumension' and earlier works - but it's hardly the fatal sea change that Metallica performed, is it? Works for me, and excellently so.

10. Fear Factory - Genexus

I admit to being sceptical about a new Fear Factory release, but Genexus is fucking ridiculous! The aggressive buzz saw stop start "DAGGA DAG! DAGGA DAG!" attack of Dino Cazares on guitar. with Burton C Bell barking/crooning over it just like the good old days. Takes me back to feeling like I'm a 16 year old lad again with 'Demanufacture'. Massively catchy, highly charged, and just makes you want to turn the living room into a one man moshpit. Throwing shapes, doing the face. Fucking get in.

9 - Melechesh - Enkii

A very distinctive black metal band, driven by the trademark middle eastern groove that Melechesh are known for. An exemplary album that graces the upper echelons of the album of the year list without question. that is as strong as their previous works.

8. Nile - What Shall Not Be Unearthed

Initially, I was a bit concerned with Nile due to the oddly lacklustre previous album 'At The Gates of Sethu'. There was something amiss with it, that I couldn't quite put my finger on and I feared for their future. However, all doubts were squashed when they released 'What Shall Not Be Unearthed'. A stunning return to form, and worth it for the massively catchy riff laden track "Evil To Cast Out Evil" and the chest beating chorus. Epic.

7. Paradise Lost - The Plague Within

Paradise Lost have left their shonky Depeche Mode-isms now for at best part of a decade and a half, continuously releasing albums that have more than made up for their innovation/dodgy and needless experimentation (delete where appropriate and taste dependant). 'The Plague Within' delves back further into 'Shades Of God' and even 'Gothic' territory, which I've certainly got no issue with. Sweet.

6. Cattle Decapitation - The Anthropocene Extinction

A grindcore/death metal masterpiece of the year without question. Touching upon the tried and trusted themes of extinction and the annihilation of mankind that Cattle Decapitation are best known for, without losing a beat. Deliciously feral, with incredible musicianship, and continuing to innovate. I mean, just look at the album cover alone! Fuck...A dead guy on a beach spewing canisters of toxic waste out of his innards, how symbolic is that? What?

5. Napalm Death - Apex Predator, Easy Meat

Essentially, one of the forefathers of the grindcore genre that helped to form the cornerstones of the extreme metal movement. Napalm Death aren't any mere extreme metal band, oh no. They're an INSTITUTION, a veritable household name. A good 30 years in the business, and still sound as relevant as ever. Further fuelled by the end times of a Conservative government, which is one of the only plus sides to giving this band necessary ire - and they're seriously pissed off. As subtle as a Glaswegian kiss. 

4. Cradle of Filth - Hammer Of The Witches

If I had made a 'shock comeback of the year' award, these guys would walk it. I hadn't been that terribly bothered with Cradle of Filth since 'Midian'; casually listening to their newer output with a sense of apathy and malaise. Although, it has to be said 'Darkly Darkly Venus Aversa' was an album of note when it came out. Initially, my scepticism levels were set to high - until I played it. FUCKING NORA, HOW ACE IS THIS THING? EH? EH? IT MAKES ME WANT TO WEAR CORPSE PAINT, AND SPIKES, AND WALK ABOUT MY LOCAL HILLS WITH THE WIND IN MY HAIR LOOKING ALL BLACK METAL, AND SET THINGS ON FIRE! EH? HOW FUCKING ACE IS IT? LISTEN TO IT LISTEN TO IT LISTEN TO IT!!!! AAAARRRGHHH!!

3. Panopticon - Autumn Eternal

Annoyingly, I was 'late to the table' discovering the sheer brilliance that is Panopticon - a one man black metal band fronted by the incredible talents of Austin Lunn. I mean, even the split EP's that he makes with other musicians are utterly ridiculous and god like. Earlier on in the year, 'Roads To The North' completely exploded my mind - notably down to the incredible closing track 'Chase The Grain'. Which, sounded like something Mike Oldfield would make if he was a black metal musician. Seriously, it's THAT good. In this album, they dialled back the bluegrass elements a touch and centred on a sound that reminds me of Agalloch meets Winterfylleth. It has it all; soaring intense moments, melodious moments, and brutal moments that can flail the skin. It's more of a sonic adventure than a mere album.

2. Ninkharsag - The Blood Of Celestial Kings

I've seen these guys a couple of times with support to other bands, the most notable time was when I seen them support Esoteric in some dingy pub in the darkest corner of 'The Merseyan Sphere' - and thoroughly bloody enjoyable that night was too. Ninkharsag take the best of the black metal influences, and turn it into a bewitching fucking massive earworm. Perfectly crafted,  with a duration that is only just over half an hour that has you begging for more. It you don't move your arse and one man circle pit to 'The Essential Salts of Human Dust', then you are without doubt a tone deaf root vegetable - and have a fucking good word with yourself.

1. Negura Bunget - Tau

What can I say? The whole albums is just ridiculous and other worldly in every definition. Negura Bunget have around for a good while, finally peaking with the jaw dropping masterpiece that was 'Om'. Worryingly, an acrimonious fall out occurred that only left Negru as the sole remaining member. They bounced back with 'Vîrstele pămîntului' that many people loved, but it didn't quite grab me. Not that is was poor quality, it just sounded like a band that suffered a radical line up change (of which it did) and was trying to find its feet.

The album is like an adventure to listen to, wearing its Romanian culture and influence proudly upon its sleeves. Opening with the classic 'Nametenie', and with moments of sheer musical beauty like 'La Hotaro Cu Cinci Culmi' and 'Curgerea Muntelui' that break up the brutality of the heavier tracks in an astonishing manner. Even indulging in a bit of chirpy polka fused folk and black metal with the brilliantly silly 'Inpodobeala Timpului' - that sounds like a black metal version of Mool Prepya from the series ' This Is Jinsy'.

I couldn't put the thing down, and even bought it TWICE - once on vinyl AND CD. Even though I had the album at the tail end of January as a promo to review for This Is Not A Scene. I fell in love with the damn thing, it's just astonishing.

BEST. THING. EVER.

'Worst Album of The Year' 

Iron Maiden - The Book of Souls

This year had many good albums, and a sea of seriously bloody awful ones.  I'm a fair man, and I do give albums and bands the benefit of the doubt before I'll be all "Murrrr, that's shit, murrr murrr" whenever I hear about it.

Okay, I admit I'm ambivalent about Iron Maiden at the best of times; I like certain tracks and will play an album of theirs once every blue moon. But, by and large think they're overrated.

Major faults? Needlessly long so the tracks are diluted, and a 'phoned in' feel,  Worst thing of all? It sounds like a tired Iron Maiden covering Iron Maiden. Moreover, the positive reviews you see are typed by the fanbois that can't accept constructive criticism because how dare anyone pick a fault with Iron Maiden. Well, I'm not - and I will.

There is only one crime worse than a musically poor album  by a 'household name' band, 

A painfully average one by a 'household name' band.

Therefore, 'The Book of Souls' claims the 'Worst Album of The Year' award and is a perfect example of just because something has a 'name' - doesn't mean that it's good.

It's Not All Strepsil Sponsored Vocals...

It's summer, 1994.

A socially  awkward young metalhead who had just finished his first year in college was enjoying his first week away from the grind of coursework. The summer months meant a time of partying with a bunch of metalheads, hippies and stoners that took this guy under their wing when his best friend was more interested in the carnal pursuits of a girlfriend. It was a splinter group of early twenty-somethings, all living in a row of houses, meaning he could crash over and drink as much as he liked without grief from his parents.

His love for metal was stronger than ever, but it was confined more and more to the extreme side of the spectrum. He had bunked off college one day just to purchase Cannibal Corpse’s latest album The Bleeding, his college friends had lent him albums and recorded mix tapes from bands such as Death, At the Gates, Morbid Angel, Deicide - and there was a lot of fuss about a new up and coming band called Machine Head.

The ringleader of this troop of metalheads, stoners and hippies was a guy called Daz. He had an elaborate collection of vinyl that you could spend hours looking at, including classic rock from the likes of Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath, Budgie and Deep Purple, as well as thrash classics from Anthrax, Megadeth, Metallica and Testament. It would probably take days to play this collection if you played it back to back without sleep. This young metalhead loved what he heard, and this rag tag bunch of friends often had random adventures and barbecues, at one point shoe horning six people into a mk2 Ford Escort estate and driving for hours to anywhere random, usually somewhere scenic - because "Why not?"  (one of them had passed their driving test recently).

For the most part, this young metalhead liked what he heard but was still pretty much all about Strepsil sponsored vocals, and power chords., In fact, ‘the lads’ didn't really get what he saw fascinating about a new vinyl he bought from a band called Cradle of Filth, and a CD from a bunch of teenage Norwegians called Emperor. It was all set to change one Friday night, when this young metalhead called over with some beers to Daz’s gaff. He was having a natter about music, and brought up a pre-recorded tape of Pink Floyd’s The Division Bell for him to check out. This led neatly into playing an album from his collection that turned into a real game changer.

The vinyl was placed onto the platter of a late 1970s Pioneer music centre. Daz was an audiophile on a shoe string. He preferred these type of music centres or hi-fi separates as "They cared more about the engineering of record players. When they made CD players, they skimped on record players and they sounded like shit, you know?”. This young metalhead agreed, as his father managed a hi-fi and electronic shop and was surrounded by technology from an early age; CB radios, VHS recorders, Amateur Radio, all sorts of things - it was pretty much genetic.

The music centre whirred into life, and a ethereal sounding choir came from the speakers; which developed into piano, mandolin, which build to a crescendo of lead guitar solos. This young metalhead sat there, mouth open and rendered completely speechless.

“What the?....Fuck....man! What’s this album, Daz? This is amazing!”

“It’s Ommadawn by Mike Oldfield”

“What? Mike Oldfield? That dude that done the theme to that banned film? I thought he only done this and some cheesy crap that my Dad kept on playing when I was a kid on holidays to Wales in his Ford Cortina. Really?”

“Yep”

The album starts off with in an ethereal manner, with soaring choir vocals, mandolin, piano notes, and occasional electric guitar flourishes and a piano riff. The choir still holds steady with layered keyboard synth effects, only to be punctuated by a mournful mandolin solo adding further to the ethereal atmospheres.  A guitar solo slowly builds from the mix, gaining in volume with a crash of cymbals. Then, a louder guitar solo soars over the top. This develops into further territories marked by flutes and pipes, building further into a crescendo once more with a duelling banjo style jam incorporating a recorder, piano, mandolin and acoustic guitar that sounds compelling and bewitching. A gentle section containing harps, penny whistles and so forth develops into more lead guitar trade offs. This then develops into a mournful flute solo before developing into deep African style drumming and nonsensical chants of “ommadawn” like a compelling witch doctor dance, all becoming louder and louder with every layer of instruments playing full force and ending with ploy-rhythmic drumming patterns reminiscent of post coital heart beats.



The second side of the LP continues with searing slow electric guitars, acoustic guitars and synths but this time more mournful, continuing with the dense multiple layers of the previous side but developing into an arrangement largely dominated by what sound like wedding bells, but with a sea of many instruments. A flute solo then appears in the mix surrounded by slow acoustic guitar strums and multiple dizzying keyboard effects. This clears and fades, like the fading of rain to a quaint Gaelic folk ditty involving bagpipes, acoustic guitars and harp flourishes. This interlude ends with what myself and Daz called the “Feeling sorry for yourself bit”; an interlude that seems to be a prevalent pattern on what I eventually discovered was found on all of Mike Oldfield albums - a mournful flute solo that blossoms out into multi layered instrumentation with keyboards and soaring choir vocals. Then, it develops into a fun little hoe down of drums, acoustic guitar duelling, flutes, and more searing electric guitar work, developing in pace and loudness before ending almost abruptly.

Finally. the album ends with a surreal moment. The final track is acoustic guitar, electric guitar flourishes and flutes; with Mike talking about how he likes beer, cheese, a place called Hergest Ridge and riding upon horseback. The ‘song’ contains the nonsensical chorus of “Hey and away we go, through the grass across the snow, big brown beastie, big brown face, I’d rather be with you than flying though space”. Clearly something that he wrote on one of his more lysergic moments, perhaps consuming ‘those sort of mushrooms’.

From that point on, this young metalhead suddenly had his musical horizons expanded. The album was truly compelling, with complex sound structures with waves upon waves of different instruments added to the mix as the album went on. He had to know more of this sort of thing.

The following week, he had also discovered the joys of Ozric Tentacles - which one of the other lads brought along - and he quickly learnt of bands such as The Black Crowes, Steve Hillage, Gong, solo stuff from Pink Floyd members such as Roger Waters and Syd Barrett’s 'The Madcap Laughs' as the summer months went on before he returned back to college for a new term. When he left college and got his first job as an Office Junior, contact with these friends eventually faded. He grew out of their ways and ended up finding different friends. With the new found freedom of his own money and not misspent college grants, he went on to purchase hi-fi separates of his own and spend industrial amounts of money on trawling vinyl shops to replicate what Daz owned, or to even better it.

This young metalhead would even think nothing of buying complete discographies rather than just one mere album, with albums by Hawkwind, Deep Purple, Yes, Sisters of Mercy, The Mission, and even a job lot of Kate Bush records finding their way into his collection. Nowadays, this man has a comprehensive collection that stretches from Jimi Hendrix to Darkthrone. Death and black metal is still this guy’s specialist subject, but now he now knows about a whole tonne of music. Oh, he also got the rest of the Mike Oldfield albums too and just purchased Man on the Rocks this weekend just gone on vinyl.

It just goes to show, that an innocuous vinyl once heard at a friend's house many years ago can be enough to prove that it doesn't all have to be Strepsil sponsored vocals and power chords.

Ghost: What's The Point?

[Original article 'disappeared down the memory hole' by a certain website. Resurrected and revised for my own blog].

As a metal veteran that's been into the scene for two decades, you see many things come and many things go. Notably, one of the most memorable ones was (to my ears and eyes) the downfall of 'proper metal' that was brought by the late 90s wave of nu metal and pop metal bands; a time of which I wondered what the hell was happening to the scene. Fad bands appear, and disappear; some bands mature and outgrow a fad to transcend their roots – Deftones being the best example.
Recently, there's been a resurgence of what I call 'proper metal' – thrash metal, death metal has become more prominent, the reanimated corpses of hair metal, and five minute wonders that capture the imagination that are instantly disposable such as The Darkness for example. To be cynical, most of this is fuelled by the fickle minded pop culture powered by soundtracks heard on console games such as Grand Theft Guitar Hero, raiding charity shops to look like they fell from 1974; a culture sporting silly beards, dodgy flares, and paying money for old technology like music centres, film cameras and record players – because looking like you came from the past is apparently the new future. Over the past few years, visually and audibly – we have fell into a deep romanticism with wanting to emulate the past, spearheaded by the likes of watching Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes. In fact, yours truly would give one of his gentleman vegetables to own a 1979 Ford Granada 2.8 Ghia just so I can fulfil my childhood wet dreams of cruising around looking like an extra from The Professionals.

Which brings me neatly onto a band that has jumped on a retro 1970s emulating Zeitgeist – the band in particular is Ghost, a band hailing from Sweden with strange quasi-satanic imagery and a sound that is a bland blend of 1970s rocks clichés.

Ghost, are a source of never-ending bemusement. I first heard of this band from a few friends who I know, and these guys are strictly of the 'kvlt' school who often question some of the bands that I hold so dear – even being as quirky to have a dislike of most forms of thrash metal, disliking the current neo-trash metal renaissance doing the rounds, and even picking holes with certain black and death metal bands and declaring them to be sell outs. In fact, the mention of one highly popular black metal band sends one of them into an incandescent rage when you point out that they once liked them – to reply with the aloof answer of “Well, we've all grown out of listening to them – why haven't you?”.
Yet, these very same people turn into shrieking teenage school girls when you mention Ghost. They have what I can only describe as a pathological adoration for them, and have seen them numerous times with other bands and have also seen them at festival appearances; declaring them to be the best thing since sliced bread or the invention of the wheel. Being a man who is willing enough to give anything the benefit of the doubt (who is often wrongly declared as rigidly liking nothing but black metal and trad goth/post punk/darkwave exclusively) I have decided to give them a listen. Hell, I even sat through Bring Me The Horizon which amongst my friends is universally hated!

So, what is exactly wrong with them? Well, musically they are pretty decent and can pen some nice riffs and melodies which obviously work well for what appears to a 'vast majority' of people out there. Personally, I'm not so sure. They're not an awful sounding band per se, far from it. There is a certain element amongst their song writing that just doesn't appear to work. Take the song 'Guleh/Zombie Queen' for example; it comprises of a simplistic chorus that is almost nursery rhyme like in structure with a style that appears to be stolen single handedly from a lysergic session of overdosing on far too many Blue Oyster Cult albums – and to be honest, this sort of thing has been done better before and inspiring more excitement to the listener.

Other problems with the band manifest themselves in the form of the vocals of Papa Emeritus. He has a nasally, and curiously patronising tone that you could be forgiven for thinking is singing with a condescending drone that mocks the listener: “Na na na na naaaa, we're a pub band covering Blue Oyster Cult, someone gave us a record deal - more fool you!”. The vocals feels like they have more to give, but are lacking any form of dynamics to drawn the listener in. The overall sound of the music comes across as a mockery and sound so terribly twee laced with faux Satanism in an attempt to sound edgy and cool. 'Monsterance Clock' demonstrates this perfectly, composed of a simple nursery rhyme song structure that continues on in a varying theme throughout their songs, while “If You Have Ghosts” and “I'm a Marionette” has cloying harmonious singing combined with Hammond organ backing that in essence is a musical rock death by syrup that should carry a diabetes warning, The musical acid test for me, is to play songs in a rock nightclub or in a rock pub somewhere to see if they can stand out amongst all the hustle and bustle of such an environment. If a band stands out enough, the punters will automatically feel compelled to ask what the band is and I've often heard a very catchy earworm that I couldn't shift out of my system for weeks on end because of such an occurrence. In the case of Ghost, they would simply fade into the background noise and become a part of the furniture that is for the most part unnoticed.



Which brings me neatly onto the imagery of the band; a look that has ripped off the cloaks and scary demeanour of Portal in an attempt to add further interest to the band, Don't get me wrong, a mysterious shadowy imagery for a band in the live setting is a good thing and I much prefer a band that 'looks the part' rather than a bunch of scruffy herberts that have wandered in off the street which was a problem that I have with pretty much all of the grunge bands that were out at the time. However, in the case of Ghost I feel that this is an excessive gimmick in a manner similar to Slipknot, which also matches badly. Visually, before you heard them you would expect something like King Diamond and think “Ah sweet, these Ghost guys look cool! I've got to check them out”. Sadly, it strictly ends there with music that sounds truly pedestrian and treads water.

It's all very well to emulate and express your roots which inspired your band, but I believe that you need to add something to it that makes it stand out from the crowd. Imitation is often cited as being the sincerest form of flattery, and then there's just out and out brown nosing that is quite nauseating. Sadly, Ghost take far too many pointers from well-established bands and in an effort to make themselves stand out from the crowd and do nothing to innovate and make themselves sound interesting. Cynical Ghost fans out there have pointed out that I am taking them too seriously and they should be enjoyed for what they are, rather than digging around too far into what inspired them in the first place. The neo-thrash renaissance is a perfect example; been done before but don't concentrate too seriously on the originators of the thrash scene and I can appreciate them for what they are, an enjoyable blast not to be taken too seriously.

One of the best subtweets I read one night went along the lines of “Ok, so Ghost suck because they're a modern band and don't come from 1974. So, if Ghost originally came from 1974, would that make them good?”

My answer to this: No

Good music doesn't age, be it released 5, 10, 15 or 30 years ago. I don't have a problem with bands that emulate a sound from days gone by, such as Grand Magus, Witchcraft, Big Elf, Broadcast and the more experimental works of Opeth that are heavily prog rock influenced that veer away from their extreme style. Ghost are a relatively new band, which I believe may find themselves painted into a corner one day in the future and become a flash in the pan. For me, I feel Ghost must try to innovate somehow as opposed to emulate. Other bands are inspired and innovate, but there is a neutered quality that is bland and curiously lacking no matter how many times I listen to them.

To conclude, Ghost had better enjoy the good times when they can. Eventually, the novelty will wear off and they won't be remembered like the classic bands of days gone by they emulate so much. However, at this moment in time they continue to succeed in filling out stadiums, and festival appearances appealing to a disposable Grand Theft Guitar Hero inspired fan base, probably crossing the lines into the mainstream musical conscious at some point. Long may you continue to baffle, and bemuse me in equal measure.

My Definitive Top 20 Metal Albums Of 2014:

Even in my sometimes narrow world of music, where I can go for weeks lapsing back into 1980s post punk/darkwave/trad goth, to days of blasting nothing but 1970's rock, or even 1980s cheese – I eventually return back to playing metal once more. I describe myself nowadays as a part goth, part metalhead hybrid – but it's probably simpler to describe myself as a 'noisy music enthusiast'. If it's loud, lairy, guitar filled – and it pisses people off – then to me it's a beautiful thing.

Even more oddly, I'm not a man for 'chart lists' – but then I've read and heard many people babbling on about great releases, and to be honest this year has been a corker for the metal and extreme metal scenes. Death and black metal is doing well, and there's still no let up in what I refer to as the 'neo thrash renaissance'. In fact, I grew to love that after initially being rather cynical about it (as I've seen it done before); the turning point when I seen Gama Bomb earlier this year – where it brought be back in time to the early 1990s when I first got into metal. So many new fans, carrying the torch for metal – proper metal too, I may add. Nice work.

Please note: the order of these albums does not necessarily mean the lower down ones suck – far from it. It was a hard decision to quantify this into a list as it's something I normally don't do. In essence, if you haven't listened to this selection from this year you are either living in a cave, or you're a tone deaf root vegetable.

Anyway, without further ado – here's my top 20 choices:

20 : Mastodon – Once More Around The Sun

Love them or hate them, Mastodon appear to be going from strength to strength. Stylistically, they have changed a lot since the early days of Remission; and I personally thought the previous album 'The Hunter' done nothing for me at all. Thankfully, Mastodon have bounced back and made this fantastically catchy prog rock earworm.

19 : Mayhem – Esoteric Warfare

Mayhem had disappeared off the radar for a bit, and had suffered some drastic (according to some cynics) line up changes. However, I feel the latest album has shut the cynics up good and proper.

18: Monolord – Empress Rising

From out of the blue, some random Swedish band comes from nowhere as a side project – taking the best cues from vintage Electric Wizard, Kyuss and Sleep. A jaw dropping slice of doom.

17 : Conan – Blood Eagle

Gloriously fuzzy doom, that at times you feel will out doom Electric Wizard. Slow, chugging, and with monumental riffs that if played loudly will probably level disused apartment blocks.

16: Godflesh – A World Lit Only By Fire

A band that's been going for many years, and is pretty much a household established name in the scene. A band that had sailed past me for many years; I knew of them but they didn't entirely grab me for some odd reason. 'A World Lit Only By Fire' changed that for me, as it dragged me off by the scruff of the neck and demanded that I listened. I'm glad I did.

15 : Exodus – Blood In, Blood Out

A stunning return to form from the veteran thrashers, that somehow are too far down most people's lists – which is criminal in my book. Definitely worthy of investigation, especially since Zetro came back.

14: Electric Wizard – Time To Die

A superb album, drenched in lysergic doom that continues on in that familiar old template of a down tuned and more fucked up vintage Black Sabbath. What's not to like?

13: Nacthmystium – The World We Left Behind

A glorious swan song from the now defunct purveyors of weird, that to my ears sounded like a black metal version of Hawkwind. Not their strongest release to my ears, but it's still an incredible album that many bands strive for, with this level of quality.

12: At The Gates – At War With Reality

One of my favourite bands, and one that I am surprised has decided to bounce back and record an album. The 17 year old metal head living in a 30 something body was like a kid at Christmas that had been bought a shiny new Commodore Amiga. It filled my wooden bile filled cynical heart with joy.

11: Primordial – Where Greater Man Have Fallen

Gloriously catchy, infectious, and utterly enchanting with amazing chest beating anthems – sung with such glory, power and majestic force. A jaw dropping return from those Irish purveyors of black and doom tinged folk metal.

10 : Triptykon -Melana Chasmata

Tommy G and the boys still keep delivering the goods with this ongoing project formed from the ashes of Celtic Frost. Crushing as ever with no drop in quality.

09: Hoth – Oathbreaker

Insanely catchy black metal with a bewitching groove, that in places is vaguely Dimmu Borgir-esque but without the pretentiousness. Massive hook laden earworms that stay in your head for days that you'll end up whistling randomly. Love it.

08: Cannibal Corpse – A Skeletal Domain

Their 13^th album, and showing no signs of letting up. As catchy and brutal as ever before, and worth it for the catchy 'Kill Or Become' in its own right. Essential.

07: Behemoth – The Satanist

I'm glad that Nergal and his merry men came back, and made a stunning album. A true triumph over adversity that shows they have plenty of life left in them.

06: Agalloch – The Serpent And The Sphere

One of black metal's top tier artists in my humble opinion, that have released a beautiful and emotive slab of glorious black metal with doom and progressive elements.

05: Foreseen – Helsinki Savagery

A thrash metal band, that came seemingly from nowhere and promptly kicked the shit out of me sonically. Brining together all the best bits of Nuclear Assault, C.I.A. and Hirax – and sounding equally as good as the bands that influenced it. Utterly fucking ridiculously good. Just when you think you got bored of the neo thrash renaissance – these guys showed up.

04: Nightbringer – Ego Dominus Tuus

A truly astonishing album, that took dramatic leaps and bounds in quality from their previous output. Encompassing all your favourite riffs you've heard before, but stamping it with a layer of deliciously pernicious evil all of its own accord. I couldn't put the thing down.

03 : Winterfylleth – The Divination Of Antiquity

One of the most amazing black metal bands in recent years. So stereotypically British in sound, sounding soaring, majestic, and a thing of total sonic wonder. You'd have to be mental in the face to like black metal and not like this album, or Winterfylleth in general.

02: Darkspace III I

For me, this is a band that I feared had disappeared for good. However, they returned valiantly with what I would refer to as 'Cenobite Black Metal' – a truly dark and cold malevolent sound that at times is clastrophobic, suffocating, and bewitching in equal measure. A black metal tour de force, and an essential masterpiece.

01: Vesania – Deus Ex Machina

A wonderful return of the Polish super project, featuring members of Behemoth and Vader crushing skulls while taking a brief break from their day jobs. Initially, as much as I loved 'Distractive Killusions' I felt that they had taken a bold and dodgy sonic leap into trying to sound more mainstream – which at times sounded like it was trying too hard. However, they came back and corrected the balance with as much power and vigour than ever. Oddly, I got into them before I got into Behemoth and I love both bands – but Vesania held more of a place in my soul by a whisker. An amazing return.

Politically Correct Bandwagonism

Over the past two decades, I could be forgiven for thinking that we are now living in ridiculous stupid times where we are no longer allowed to have any opinion on anything without somebody spitting their dummy out and proclaiming that it's somehow racist, or offensive or just not allowed for one reason or another.

Idiots and morons, both on-line and in the real world wanting to jump on a great big offence bandwagon, just because everything nowadays is bogged down in so much bureaucratic bullshit that you can't fart, can't piss, can't breathe, and can't do fuck all. Pointing angrily at whatever it is, flapping their mouthpieces spewing out such flatulent air over things that they really shouldn't be complaining about,

A ridiculous culture where common sense has gone out the window, ambulance chasing morons picking over extremely fine small print just to fuck someone over for a few quid. Bureaucratic dogma that is slow long winded, hugely complex and mind boggling that even its creators have lost the thread and find it very difficult to decode and demystify

Personally, I'm getting pig fucking sick of it.

Recently, a microscopic internet witch hunt was declared due to some tweets that I had made – where I made the jokey reference of 'Islamic scary beard' which as far as I'm concerned was a completely throw away remark. Whereby I then clarified further and noted that I was not in any way racist, and elaborated further – notably the fact that if I was racist, why would I have a hobby that involved making friends with and speaking to foreign lands using the ancient arts of Amateur Radio - just to demonstrate a point.

However, for some people my clarification wasn't good enough. Just a couple of words on a screen was apparently too much for them, which was completely absurd and the person in question just decided to read what they wanted to read and jump on a self appointed offence bandwagon. Which, I told them in no uncertain terms was pretty much pathetic and pointed out they just wanted to take offence for offence sake. Good riddance to them, basically – and I fully back up what I typed and I have no intention of backing down because that individual just wanted to have a random fight with a follower all over a simple collaboration of throw away words on a screen. At the opposite end of the spectrum I have a friend that laughs off being called a 'Paddy' and make references to potatoes who is Irish, while another guy who's Asian mocking calls himself a 'Paki' and takes the piss out of his own culture and ways. It's all banter, and all harmless. He even calls me a Goth twat and makes references to cutting myself and cry wanking in moonlight to The Cure albums. Shame they didn't have a sense of humour and weren't so fucking miserable like those guys. But, people are people.

Which leads me nicely to a story of a friend of mine, who once worked as school caretaker. He was responsible for supervising the staff that were cleaning up a primary school, but he had a couple of staff members that were clearly exploiting cigarette breaks and the clocking off/on system. I was over at my friends out that evening, and decided to pop over for a chat and a brew to discuss various things in our lives, music, work, basically the usual conversations you'd have with any friend if you popped over for a visit. Anyway, he had some CCTV footage of the school burned onto a CD-R and had mentioned that a couple of staff were (for want of a better word) taking the piss.

He agonised about laying down some disciplinary procedures, but was scared to do so.

Why? Because they were Black Africans.

He told me that they got very touchy if he was watching what they were doing, and for arguments sake played the racist card when he was contemplating docking their pay for clocking in late – and these guys had everything so crossed referenced up that my friend didn't even have a leg to stand on as they made things up that were very convincing and basically had him backed into a corner while they slacked off and threw the rule book out of the window.

Needless to say, he eventually walked out and they in effect, won.

The point I am making here, is that if people get onto it they will use any form of discrimination card (be it disabled, race, gender, sexuality) or whatever to basically just cause shit for no reason and over the years it has somehow grew upon us to the point where people are just too shit scared to do anything.

The worrying thing about it is – it's that messy that I don't even see a way how it could be reversed.

There used to be a British TV soap in the 1970s, the name of which escapes me. It involved an ethnic household moving into a street with a white Caucasian household and the basis of it was pretty much what I would call interracial banter done in a humerus manner that wouldn't even be able to be broadcast on the air. Similarly, Tom and Jerry has been snuffed out from TV due to the supposed extreme violence and a black housekeeper – and it's even difficult to obtain unless you ordered it in Region 1 USA DVD format (it may have changed, it may not – I'm not sure). A few supposedly violent computer games have hit the headlines, supposedly sparking off killing sprees and heavy metal has always been the poster child bad boy for leading people astray when they forget about all the gangster rap made by Tupac and Biggie Whatever-his-fucking-face is (I'm not into that crap, taking fast over a Bontempi keyboard plugged into an Atari ST never appealed to me).

Anything, and I mean ANYTHING appears to be getting censored – even common sense. I've heard stories of teachers not wanting to perform CPR on students for fear of being demonised as a child molester. In fact, my own father got funny looks all because he was parked over at a shopping centre and my (then) 10 year old niece came over to say hello, only to get a dirty look from a passer by – for him to bellow “She's my fucking granddaughter you paranoid bastard!”. If you see a kid lost in a shopping centre, nobody wants to help him/her for fear of the 'Nonce Police' to come out with pitchforks and burning you in a wickerman.

If people are injured, people tend to run the fuck away and not get involved. I've had a nosebleed in public, and people parted like the fucking red sea while I walked to a walk in centre to sort myself out. In another instance, I fell off my bike in the snow getting back home from work and I had some moron stop in a van, watch for several seconds and drove off as soon as I dusted myself down and continued on my way.

In essence, people need to wake the fuck up and take a long good hard look at themselves.

Think before you jump off the deep end onto an offence bandwagon. Don't be scared to stand up and say something is wrong. Don't shy away from things and leave it to someone else. Stop treating things like a hot potato and giving it a wide berth.

Don't be scared to have a voice. If people don't like it - fuck them.

Because, if shit continues on the way it does we'll all become like the moronic docile Eloi from H.G. Well's 'The Time Machine' and then it will be too late. Then they've had us by the balls once and for all.

The Cover Letter You Wish You Could Write

Currently I am out in the wilderness due to being made redundant approximately 10 months ago, and despite much effort and applying, have mostly been ignored; going through the bureaucratic firewall that is employment agencies – about as close as I got to an interview was 2 months ago. Seeing as it's summer (at the time of being published), I am treating this a lot like the way a student would do when they have a so called “gap year”, doing things of which employment would have got in the way of.

Anyway, to cut a long story short I may possibly elaborate further on this experience in a future blog. But, there are a lot of areas to cover and it would be difficult to get it all out of my system.

In the meantime, I have penned a satirical letter which displays exactly how I feel about the whole re-employment process. I'm itching to use this, to be honest – especially if it did actually land me a job where the 'powers that be' have a sense of humour and would have piqued their interest.

So, here it goes....

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing with regards to your job vacancy of Head Office Administrator, as seen on a poorly coded and generic job recruitment website littered with spelling errors and ambiguity.

I am a fully experienced administrator that once worked somewhere for the best part of a decade and a half, performing many administrative tasks – notably data entry, dealing with awkward customers over the phone who think that they know better, and working as a team digging ourselves out of bodges performed by management that can't even find they way out of a paper bag. How they became management material is a continuous source of bafflement, but I digress. Please find enclosed my CV – which I believe fully demonstrates my capabilities.

I'm a hard working, popular employee that not only gets the job done well – but in an exemplary manner that will probably embarrass the more incompetent individuals in your team that you are probably sick to the back teeth of. More importantly, due to not being married or having children I won't use this a 'green card' to be absent on certain days and use my family as an scapegoat. This also includes the blonde office tart that's continuously sat Instagramming pictures of her lunch and gawping at her iPhone all day, trawling through Facebook when she should be working; while you haemorrhage away £20k a year to keep such a work shy individual, clearly kept by management because she looks 'easy on the eye' and enjoy low level sexual harassment and horseplay.

I am now tired and sick to death of applying for many jobs, and being out in the redundancy wilderness. I wish that you would give me the opportunity to discuss this vacancy further in person rather than dealing with the allegedly sage advice of recruiters who can't even find their way out of a carrier bag or organise a booze up in a brewery.

Thank you for your time. Please don't hesitate to contact me to discuss this further, but you probably won't bother and employ some college leaving bozo that has no prior experience and not learn from prior mistakes of employing people that aren't good enough for the job.

Yours Sincerely,

The Armchair Anarchist

Fakers - Declaring war on 'Top Shop Goths'.

I've been into Metal (and over the past several years) Goth for the best part of two decades. As a result, in that time I have seen a lot of things come and go in the scene; a lot of spurious fads and five minute wonders that have disappeared into obscurity. I am very much a man that wears being a goth/metalhead mix on his sleeve, and will no doubt still continue to do so for many years – irrespective of cynics out there that believe I should be some beige cardigan wearing tedious bore “at my age”. Fuck them, and while they're at it – they can fuck off, come back and fuck off again some more as far as I'm concerned.

“But, why are you so defensive about it?”

Well, when you've been into it all for such a period of time and you see people call everything from Tim Burton films, vaguely dull coloured frilly clothing and edgy coloured shit haircuts and tattoos, and things in Primarni that have faded band logos on it – you're bound to get a bit pissed off with it all and get defensive. Rightfully so.

I remember when I first got into it all, and there was no way people would even wear biker jackets, Doc Martens, and band T shirts of bands that they know fuck all about. In fact, it was looked down upon even more than it is today and actually viewed with a sense of fear. People associated you with “Hell's Angel” type people and gave you a fair bit of distance. Also, the exposure of music was kept very much underground, and the notion of downloading films and music was still the stuff of complete fantasy; especially when the fastest internet connection speed was as fast as 56kbit/sec and the world wide web as we know it today was in a practically embryonic phase. Knowing about music was limited to tape trading, or scouring through album liner notes to find out what other bands to check out that they toured with, or were friends with. Exchanging mix tapes with friends, discovering new music in a completely grass roots level – that was fresh and carried a far stronger air of excitement that it carries today.

I could could elaborate further, but the basic consensus in those days that there is not a rat shit in hell's chance that the mainstream wanted to copy or emulate our fashion. To be honest, we liked it that way – it was an identity of our own; having fuck all to do with mainstream culture for the most part – until the occasional band like Guns and Roses and Metallica broke through, along with stuff like Nirvana to name a couple. Okay, the albums may have “charted” as such – but back then there was no way anybody wanted to emulate our lifestyle or how we looked in any shape of form.

Don't get me wrong – I welcome fellow metalheads and goths, that's all well and good. I welcome the newer generation of people who are getting into new bands, checking out the old bands, and flying the “freak flag” of being an alternative. It's good to see that people are still being a part of the subculture, who simply aren't pleased with listening to musical diarrhoea pumped out of tedious radio stations, such as the latest hits from “Bored Lambrini Housewife FM” and such. That's great – please continue and keep the whole culture alive.

However, due to the nature of today's people with fickle attention spans that change far quicker than they ever did before thanks to the internet – it has brought a load of fucking morons along that like the idea of being “edgy” for a short time period, until the bovine masses decide on the “sage advice” spoon fed by the media. Trend morons who have under shaved hair in fruity colours, “bad decision” tattoos and expander piercings – which was one the sole preserve of what I refer to as “my ethnic group”. Ironically, these are the same people who sneer at us for being alternative, having tattoos, or having fruity coloured strange haircuts. The same sort of people that done stuff to my friends like throw them down a flight of stairs, putting them in hospital for the simple crime of having a mohawk back in the day. Also, while playing things like Grand Theft Guitar Hero and liking the rock soundtracks on them with completely zero sense of irony. “Ah sweet! It's that song 'Enter The Sandman' and 'Welcome To That Jungle'” they squeal, deciding to shovel much of this down their ears and throats as possible until the next big thing comes along. While raiding charity shops for piss stained leathers to wear for a couple of weeks, and joining the hipster edgy Zeitgeist with shit beards, record players, and looking like they fell from the 1970s or 1980s – because looking like you came from then is somehow “the new cool” (or should I say “looking sick as fuck, bro” - or whatever fucking adjective they say now).

From my point of view (and I'm definitely sure I'm not alone), many of my “ethnic group” are getting pretty pissed off with it. A sea of Primarni branded morons, wearing Doc Martens and Ramones shirts, with fruity coloured shaved hair and shit tattoos of skulls and zombies – because somehow looking like the people you take the piss out of is “in vogue” this season.

So, is it little wonder that people like me get real sick of your shit – when you're doing it as a fashion statement?

Don't worry – the REAL alternatives can spot you fake twats a fucking mile off, and we're all onto you.

We will rightfully reclaim Goth and Metal, and we will fight to have it back and restore it.